(Yes, another long delay: hopefully things will go a little smoother now that I'm out of school)
The second Gamera film is, by far, the best of the old series. The main reason for this is that it is the only film in the series to focus entirely upon adults: there are no children in this story. A solid plot about a treasure-hunt gone bad anchors the human story while Barugon is as unique and imaginative a monster as Gamera was and makes for a creditable threat. The human characters are actually kind of interesting and I found myself getting caught up in the brisk, easy-to-follow storyline. In short, this is an actually good Kaiju film; the only one of the old Gamera series that I would place on par with the Godzilla movies of the time.
One rather surprising aspect about the film is that Gamera himself is barely in it: he shows up for an opening sequence attacking a dam, then basically vanishes except for a brief encounter with Barugon until the climax. Quite honestly, if they came up with an alternative means to defeat Barugon, Gamera could have been excised entirely and the film wouldn’t have lost much (I don’t know what it says about the original Gamera films that the best of the lot could easily have been made without Gamera).
So the movie here is above-average for MST3k. The riffing, meanwhile, is also solid, though not brilliant (the best line is Crow’s “Solipsism is its own reward”). And the host segments are also solid, with the best being the brilliant “5000 Piece Fighting Men-and-Monsters Set.” It’s incredibly densely written and goes by so fast that you can barely keep up with the jokes and probably will have to watch it a few times to catch them all.
A pretty decent movie, great riffing, and solid host-segments make for a good episode.
Opening: Tom and Crow have a user-interface war. An instructive look into the early days of personal computers. It’s also pretty funny, especially Tom’s overreaction to Crow’s snark about Mac System 7.
Invention Exchange: (Crow’s arm falls off early on) Joel has an animatronic pop-can to be a spokes-person for recycling. It’s really cute. We also get to see Servo’s extend neck again! The Mads have the cumber-bubble-bum (which Joel invented in Episode 107, Robot Monster). Joel notes it’s familiar as they go into the theater.
Credits, over the ocean like in the first movie, except this one’s in color.
And we get some flash-backs to the first movie.
Servo: “A little background first!”
Narrator: “Again there was failure.”
Joel: “And deep personal shame.”
We learn that the Z-Plan Rocket (which looks completely different this time, by the way) got hit by a meteorite, so Gamera’s back.
Gamera returns and attacks a dam, destroying it and killing untold numbers of innocent people. Our hero, ladies and gentlemen!
Joel: (as Gamera) “I just can’t get close to anyone anymore!”
Servo: “Tokyo, I think it’s about time to start thinking about Solar Power.”
(on the view of the destruction)
Servo: “Woah, looks like Wimberley Stadium after a soccer match.”
And Gamera leaves to feast on a volcano after bursting the dam.
We cut to a couple of guys in a plane talking.
Pilot: “This is my last day up here.”
Joel: “I will serve my master down there.”
Other pilot: “But you’ve just earned your wings after so much dedicated work.”
Servo: “Clarence.”
Cut to some women playing a stringed instrument.
Servo : “I never knew a cheese-grater could sound this good.”
Then a close up on some guys gathering bombs…
Servo: “This oughta shut em’ up.”
…and guns…
Joel: “Oh, come on, now, they’re not that bad!”
Servo: “Uh, guys, maybe you shouldn’t be smoking around those things.”
And the pilot shows up to join them.
Joel: “Hi, I’m dangerous to myself and others.”
Pilot gives the lead guy (his brother) all his money then comments that he wants his own aircraft company.
Brother: “That’ll take money…”
Crow: “And you don’t have any. He just took it.”
Brother says that he found a huge opal during the war and now he wants to go back for it.
Pilot’s name is Kaseke.
So, they’re not exactly crooks, but not exactly honest either. I like the ambiguity here.
Kaseke: “You mean we’re to quit the ship without leave and then reboard it again?”
Crow: “That’s dishonest!”
So they take the grenades and guns to defend themselves against all the creatures in the jungle.
On the ship, Kaseke and crazy-guy work as janitors while a third guy is an officer.
And we arrive on the island, with a lot of dancing girls.
Servo: (interpreting the native dance) “The Male of the tribe is saying ‘how about dinner and a movie?’ the female responds with ‘okay, but I’ve seen “Manikin” already.’ The male says he just wants to sleep, but the female wants to talk.”
And they’re interrupted by the helicopter with the three guys arriving (the helicopter spooks the natives).
Joel: “I’ll shoot myself to prove we’re friendly.”
They’re suddenly confronted with a hot native girl who speaks English (or Japanese: same thing)
Joel: “Hey, has anyone called dibs yet? Dibs!”
Crow: (as native girl) “Are you smitten by my eyes by now?”
And an old doctor shows up.
Doctor: “And I have been extremely fortunate. Hokaren is my assitent.”
(indicates hot native girl)
Joel: “Oh, we get the picture.”
(warning them off from the cave they’re looking for)
Hokaren: “It’s called Rainbow Valley”
Crow: “The Care-Bears live there.”
And of course they ignore the warnings and shoot their way out (just a warning, but it’s still mean).
First Host Segment: 5000 Piece Fighting Men and Monsters set! Astonish and baffle your friends and foes as you pulverize Japan! Gamera spits real fire and causes real pain! It’s hilarious! And I want it!
Back in the movie they’re searching the cave and find the opal. Officer guy goes nuts with excitement and gets eventually killed by a scorpion (crazy-guy sees it, but says nothing).
Servo: “Uh, death where is thy sting? We’re waiting.”
It’s actually kind of sad when he dies, when he was so happy just before and crazy-guy just stood there and let him.
Servo: “Hey, let’s put him in a real scary pose.”
Kaseke cries, crazy guy just talks about the opal.
Crazy-guy puts the opal in his pack, then pulls out a few grenades to kill Kaseke with.
Servo: “Hey, that’s not very respectful of your friend’s feelings!”
(watching him light the bombs)
Crow: “Oh, the roadrunner’s never gonna fall for this.”
(after the cave blows up)
Crow: (as crazy-guy) “Oh, shoot! I should have been out of the cave first! Note to self; get out of the cave before blowing it up.”
But Kaseke survived! And is being tended to by the natives.
Crow: “Saigon. I can’t believe I’m still in Saigon.”
Servo: “Oh, he’s missing the Luau!”
(Hokaren comes in)
Crow: “He can wait!”
Hokaren: “Don’t think we saved you out of kindness…”
Joel: “We just like our meat fresh.”
Kaseke: (on the drum-beating natives) “What are they doing?”
Crow: “It’s a long drum solo. It’s not your place to ask.”
The doctor and Hokaren try to convince Kaseke how important the opal is, and that it’s not really an opal.
Hokaren: “You’ve touched something evil.”
Crow: “Oh, I suppose you’re perfect.”
We cut to the ‘opal’ hatching.
Servo: “I think we have pretty much determined that it is not an opal.”
Servo: “Caution: filling is hot and alive.”
Meanwhile, crazy-guy is on the boat rejecting expressions of sympathy for his dead friends.
And the ship begins sinking thanks to the recently hatched monster…then it blows up.
Servo: “At seven PM a main hatch-way caved in.”
(as refugees from the ship are brought to shore)
Servo: “Welcome to Elis Island, your name is now Bob Smith.”
Brother is looking for Kaseke and others, only finds crazy-guy.
Crazy-guy says both friends are dead
Crazy-guy: “He slipped and fell.”
Crow: “Onto some live grenades.”
Pointing-guy: “Hey! What’s that?”
Crow: “It’s your finger and it’s pointing. Dope.”
(the sea begins to churn and bubble)
Servo: “Oh, it’s the ghost of Esther Williams!”
And the fully-grown Barugon shows up.
Joel: “Hi, I’m a juicy new character. Enjoy me! I’m what’s known as the complication. The antagonist, if you will.”
Brother says something incomprehensible.
Joel: “What did he say?”
Crow: “Well, roughly translated it means ‘beat cheeks.’”
They note that Barugon looks kind of like a dog.
Barugon reveals his ramming-tongue to smash a building with it.
Joel: “I’m your boyfriend now, bleh!”
Second Host Segment: Crow and Servo are old Minnesotan women eating out and Joel’s their waiter. It’s a weird little sketch, especially Crow and Servo’s rather disturbing little faces. It’s amusing more than funny.
Back in the movie Barugon is approaching Osaka while brother and crazy-guy discuss getting the opal back.
Crazy-guy let’s slip that he killed his friends. Brother starts attacking him.
Joel: “Tiny-Tim no!”
They fight, crazy-guy wins (it’s surprisingly vicious, especially as crazy-guy smushes him under two heavy lockers)
Barugon begins smashing up the city.
Joel: “You know, I miss my Hot Wheels set.”
(Barugon uses his tongue to freeze the military)
Joel: “You know, you don’t see that a lot in nature.”
Servo: “Property values plummet as whole neighborhoods suffer from freezer-burns.”
Joel: “Oh, I saw a wire! That wrecks the whole thing!”
General: “The monster can destroy everything with its tongue.”
Crow: “You try saying that without laughing.”
(on a sleeping Barugon)
Crow: “He’s dreaming of big, mutated, armor-plated rabbits.”
Barugon uses a rainbow to vaporize the missiles meant to kill him.
Servo: “Well, that went well.”
And Gamera shows up, attracted by the rainbow.
(on some refugees)
Joel: “Oh, Reverend Moon is holding a prayer and share!”
And we learn from a news report that Gamera was frozen solid by Barugon.
Kaseke and Karen show up and she recognizes Barugon.
Kaseke: “Karen, what’s wrong? Are you ill?”
Joel: “I’m carrying Barugon’s child!”
Karen claims to know Barugon’s weakness.
Barugon smashes a bridge.
Joel: “That’s a bridge over troubled models.”
Kaseke and Karen confront crazy-guy and fight.
Servo: “Oh, that’s good, hit him with whicker.”
Karen just stands by…
Crow: “Uh, honey, you can jump in here any time. Anytime…”
She hits crazy-guy with a bottle.
Crow: “Thank you!”
Kaseke winds up winning and tying him up.
Crow: “You’re lucky my chick’s here, man!”
Karen notices he was cut and sucks his blood. Yeah, it’s kind of weird.
Joel: “You are one spooky chick! You mind if I don’t call you again?”
Jump cut to Karen and Kaseke talking to some generals. Apparently Barugon’s weakness is water.
She provides a diamond to tempt Barugon to his death.
Karen: “If you don’t believe me, you are doubting the gods.”
Joel: “Woah, guess I stepped on a few toes there.”
Kaseke: “It’s the only plan that hasn’t been tried.”
Crow: “Well, what about the Z-plan?”
Crazy-guy is freed by some random lady, who cuts him free.
Joel: “Ow, cut the ropes, not my wrists!”
And they hear the news reports about the plan, including the diamond. Crazy-guy decides he wants the diamond.
Crow (as Barugon): “Oh, right, I’m heading for the lake, what you think I was born yesterday? Oh, wait, I was…”
Joel: “You know, don’t you think a disco-ball would be a little cheaper?”
And Barugon randomly decides not to follow the diamond.
Generals yell at Karen for the plan’s failure. Kaseke stands up for her.
General sees Karen crying into Kaseke’s arms.
Joel: “I hate to pull rank on you son, but…”
Random guy notes that Barugon was exposed to an infared ray, which Karen says is why he grew up so fast (as in, what should have taken ten years took an hour at most).
Karen: “He’s really a freak with an abnormal body.”
Crow: “I know the feeling.”
That’s also why Barugon didn’t want the diamond, so they decide to expose the diamond to the same ray.
Kaseke: “Karen, is there any way to make him stay where he is now?”
Crow: “We could staple him to the floor…”
Turns out rain freezes him (no word on why they can’t just blow him up then).
And after irradiating the diamond, they try again.
(as a car approaches the sleeping Barugon)
Servo: “And here comes a hapless family on a Sunday ride.”
Kaseke: “Good…”
Servo: “Well said.”
Kaseke: “What’s wrong?”
Joel: “Everything! We’ve got to lengthen the movie!”
Third Host Segment: They’re hanging out on the beach and Joel talks about the drive-in movies and the ‘stars’ in this movie. Servo and Crow start to worry about his sanity. He goes off the rails at the end, and his mispronounces “Willem Dafoe”’s name.
In the movie, crazy-guy suddenly shows up and steals the diamond at gun-point.
Servo: “Guys, I’m starting to doubt their friendship.”
And he gets eaten for his troubles.
Joel: “Help me! I’m being Frenched to death!”
(on the dismayed heroes)
Crow: “Why are they so sad? That’s the guy who killed his brother!”
Crow: “Well, that’s it. We’re licked.”
(Joel takes an arm for that one!)
Next morning, Karen notes that she always wanted to see the devastating rainbow with her own eyes.
Kaseke: “It’s our punishment for wanting so much wealth.”
Servo: “So what’s gonna happen to Donald Trump?”
They realize that the rainbow doesn’t affect mirrors.
General: “Can we use it against Barugon?”
Crow: “No, but it’s something to do.”
And Kaseke develops a plan, which he illustrates by waving a welding torch around.
They plan to reflect the rainbow onto Barugon and so kill him.
Servo: “Tanks of Windex are commissioned by the government! Kids are told by the thousands not to smudge the mirrors!”
So they attack him to draw out his rainbow…it works and he destroys the tanks.
Joel: “Uh, what was that about repositioning the tanks?”
Servo: “Too late.”
But the rainbow is reflected and Barugon gets burned.
They think Barugon is dead.
Crow (as Barugon): “I’m faking!”
Turns out he isn’t dead.
Kaseke: “We must arouse him!”
Crow: “Hey, I listened to the diamond thing, but I am not going to ‘arouse’ him!”
Karen explains that Barugon will never send out another rainbow since he has learned from his mistake.
Kaseke: “There’s nothing we can do!”
Servo: “That’s the spirit.”
But now Gamera begins to thaw.
Narrator: “Gamera has regained consciousness.”
Servo: “And his pilot has been re-lit”
Servo: “Finally, a fight!”
And fight they do.
It’s actually kind of cool, with Gamera repeatedly gashing him with his tusks, then finally dragging him into the lake to kill him.
General: “He’s completely defeated.”
Servo: “Then why do I feel so empty?”
Joel: “Hey, shouldn’t they kill Gamera now that they’ve got him right there?”
And Kaseke and Karen have a heart-to-heart.
Kaseke: “I feel so alone right now…”
Crow: “Solipsism is its own reward.”
And Karen takes his hand and the movie ends.
Crow: “Gamera will be back in ‘Support your Local Sheriff.’”
Crow sticks around after Joel and Servo leave to see how it turns out (it’s just the credits).
Final Host Segment: Joel explains why Gamera gets top billing despite a total screen-time of about five minutes, then presents some books about monsters in the film business. It’s pretty funny, especially the audio-version of ‘The Velveteen Turtle.’ Then a letter. Frank buys the uncut version of “The Stand” by Stephen King. It’s too heavy for Dr. F. to lift.
Stinger: Sweaty-guy laughs. Meh, not bad.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Gamera vs. Barugon
5. Mad Monster
6. Lost Continent
7. Gamera
8. First Spaceship to Venus
9. Rocketship XM
10. Moon Zero Two
11. Godzilla vs. Megalon
12. The Crawling Hand
13. Catalina Caper
14. King Dinosaur
15. Jungle Goddess
16. Wild Rebels
17. The Corpse Vanishes
18. Ring of Terror
19. Untamed Youth
20. The Slime People
21. Project Moonbase
22. The Sidehackers
23. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
24. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
25. Cave Dwellers
26. Pod People
27. Hellcats
28. Rocket Attack USA
29. Robot Holocaust
30. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A surprisingly good movie, plus some amusing riffing, makes for a solid episode.
Final Rating: 8/10.
Showing posts with label Gamera. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gamera. Show all posts
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Mst3k–302: Gamera
And so, after another incredibly long delay, the MST3k Project is officially back on the air!
Here begins what will be a pattern in Season three of roughly every other film being a Japanese Sci-fi flick. This will prove a rich, fertile field for the Brains, for Japanese Sci-Fi Movies are some of the most bizarre films that mankind has ever committed to celluloid. And that’s not even considering the Japanese Special Effects style (which calls to mind the nursery rhyme: When it is good, it’s very, very good, but when it’s bad, it’s horrid) or the half-hearted dubbing, usually with some rather odd accents and dialogue as they attempt to match the Japanese lip movements.
This is the first of the Gamera film series, which can probably be best described as the poor-man’s Godzilla. I know some Gamera fans have objected to that description, but it really is very apt. The Gamera films can certainly be enjoyable, but watching them tends to make the viewer realize how much better the contemporary Godzilla movies are.
For instance, the same year “Gamera” came out Toho released “Invasion of Astro Monster,” completing the trilogy that arguably represents the high-point of the early Godzilla series (not counting the original, of course). As part of the plot of that film, the Xian Aliens request that Godzilla and Rodan be sent to Planet X to defeat King Ghidorah, as they did on Earth in the previous film. The humans object that, even if they knew where the monsters were, it would be impossible for them to capture them and bring them there. The Xians assure them that they will handle that. Now compare that to the end of “Gamera,” where the humans defeat the giant turtle by shutting him in a giant rocket and shooting him off to Mars. As out-there as the Godzilla movies could be, they tended to maintain at least a tenuous connection with reality; a connection the Gamera series throws off like a suicidal bungee-jumper.
Well, anyway, the first Gamera movie shows how Gamera was awakened by a nuclear bomb accidentally detonated in the arctic, releasing him from his icy prison. His revival is witnessed by Dr. Hidaka, his daughter, Katherine, and a reporter named Alex, who is rather creepily obsessed with Katherine. Gamera’s first move is to destroy their ship, killing everyone on board (in a pathetic attempt to mirror the shipping disasters that open “Godzilla”). We then meet far and away the most frightening thing in this film: Kenny. This little brat is obsessed with turtles and as soon as he sees Gamera he becomes almost religiously devoted to him. Listening to Kenny is like reading the parts of a Tom Clancy novel written from the terrorists’ perspective. Honestly, this kid is really disturbing in the way he keeps insisting that Gamera is ‘good and gentle’ even while the monster is laying waste to Tokyo.
So, Gamera arrives in Japan, lays waste to the country for a while in his search for flames to eat (apparently Japan is the only nation that produces flames, since Gamera flies around the world several times but only ever attacks Japan. Oh, did I mention he can fly? Because he can). Kenny does everything he can to sabotage the efforts to stop Gamera, yet Hidaka and everyone still treat him with parental kindness rather than committing him (and there are some rather disturbing hints that Kenny is actually directing Gamera’s attacks somehow). Eventually a really contrived ending takes place, where Gamera is, indeed, locked in a giant rocket (seriously, that thing must be a mile tall at least) and shot into space (this was “Z Plan:” apparently something they had been working on long before Gamera showed up. No word on why exactly they made such a huge rocket in the first place).
So, yeah, the film is pretty bad. But it’s a friendly, fun kind of bad. Joel himself notes that it’s not such a bad movie. Gamera is a pretty cool monster, with his huge tusks and ability to shoot into the air like a flying saucer. If it weren’t for Kenny the film would be a pretty painless experience. As it is…well, at least Kenny doesn’t have as much screen time as some of his future cinematic brothers would.
The episode is very funny, with Joel and the ‘bots in top form throughout, riffing on the poor effects, Kenny’s creepiness, the odd voices, and so on. The host segments are all pretty strong too, each expertly spoofing the movie. So, a goofy-Japanese sci-fi flick, strong riffing, and strong host segments make this an all around excellent episode.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: Joel and the bots are warming up under Tom’s direction. It’s pretty amusing, and actually appropriate as they are warming up their voices; the kind of things actors do before performing.
Invention Exchange: Joel has an endless salad. It’s really endless. (Also a great bit where Crow tricks Tom into a ‘trust exercise’). Frank has invented a vacuum cleaner for cleaning bird cages. It sucks up the whole cage, bird and all. A very amusing sketch all around.
The credits open over close-up footage of the ocean.
Servo: “Water! The source of all life!”
Our first acquaintance with Sandy Frank, who will turn out to have one of the more painful relations with the Brains.
Servo: “Titles by the Atlantic Ocean.”
Cut to bombers in flight.
Servo: “Oh, death from on high. Neat.”
Crow: “Micro Machines at five-o’clock! And GI Joe is there!”
Reporter: “It looks wild!”
Girl: “You can say that again.”
All: “It looks wild!”
Crow (on a dog in the background): “Ruff. Arf.”
Anyway, three characters meet with some Eskimos and then notice the bombers overhead.
Sailor: “Do you think Dr. Hidaka will learn anything from the Eskimos?”
Servo: “Oh, get real!”
Cut to an American base hearing about the bombers.
Crow: “Americans? What are they doing in the film?”
General: “Have you spotted anything on your radar screen?”
Really bad actor: “No sir. It must coated with anti…electric wave paint sir.”
Joel: “Cut! Cut! Let’s do that again!”
Servo: “Hey, it’s Curly Joe as the General.”
Sailor: “Captain, will they attack us?”
Captain: “I doubt it.”
Joel: “They’re models.”
Some American planes chase the mysterious bombers.
(Bomber fires a missile out its rear)
Joel: “Uh, you lost your muffler.”
(American planes shoot down bombers)
Servo: “And that’s just a warning.”
Girl: “It looks like that air plane carried atomic weapons.”
Servo: “Which means we’re all dead.”
Scientist: “Be careful, don’t go into that area, there’s radiation there.”
Servo: “And as everyone knows it can only affect you if you touch it.”
The ice melts and breaks.
Servo: “And so, in fear and hot water, the first slurpy is born!”
And Gamera breaks out of the ice!
(Girl fiddles with radio while an Eskimo kid stands next to her)
Girl: “Atmospheric conditions are bad and I can’t make contact.”
Servo: “And this little kid keeps twisting all the dials.”
(Joel smacks the kid)
Hidaka: “Good-bye, Chief.”
Crow: “Good-bye McCloud.”
(They’ll really run that gag into the ground next episode)
And the Eskimo chief gives the scientist the ‘Legendary stone’ with pictures of Gamera.
Eskimo: “It is the devil’s envoy!”
Servo: “Kissinger?”
Eskimo: “Gamera!”
Servo: “Oh.”
(examining the stone)
Hidaka: “There are waves around it, it must be aquatic…”
Crow: “Like a duck?”
And the sailors are watching Gamera through binoculars.
Gamera attacks the ship…
And kills everyone on board.
Some toy jets take off…
Servo: “Ice Station Tyco.”
(on a shot of a pilot with a black visor)
Servo: “I can’t see a damn thing. What’s going on, it’s pitch black in here?”
(pilot lifts the visor)
Servo: “Oh.”
(flying over a huge hole in the ice)
Crow: “Looks like we’re flying over the plot hole of the film.”
Cut to New York.
(on a sign saying ‘New York news studio’ which has been cut off by the camera)
Servo: “Oh, New York News Stud.”
Crow: “Hello, ladies!”
Hidaka and his daughter give a news conference with the stud.
(On the bored looking daughter)
Joel: “Sleep! Sleep!”
After the news conference we cut to a drunk old man walking home at night.
Servo: “Oh, this is the universal unsuspecting drunkard about to have a brush with the supernatural.”
And he sees a fireball flying around in the air (his main concern is that it changes its course, not that it’s a huge fireball).
Old Guy: “Maybe it’s the flying saucer I’ve heard them talk about…so much…lately.”
All (applause): “Bravo!”
Reporter (talking about flying saucers): “Even an old farmer outside of Tokyo claims he saw one.”
Servo: “But he’s old, goofy, and drunk.”
Cut to airplane where our three leads are flying.
Servo: “The captain has turned off the no-dubbing sign; you are free to speak any language you choose.”
So, wait, the girl flew from the Arctic to New York and now is flying home and only now realizes that they’re the only survivors?! I guess she’s a little slow.
Hidaka: “There were at least seven or eight camera men along with the expedition.”
Crow: “Now they’re Gamera men.”
Reporter guy confesses that he chose to go along with Hidaka to be with his daughter.
Cut to a lighthouse on the coast.
Lady (looking off screen): “Hello!”
All: “Hi!”
Lady: “Nice to see you.”
All: “Thank you!”
She’s meeting with Kenny’s teacher (who is Kenny? Oh, you’ll see, gentle reader, you’ll see).
Teacher: “He’s done a very strange drawing. I thought you should see it.”
Joel: “Uh, that’s me with the arrows through my head.”
We learn Kenny is obsessed with turtles.
Teacher: “Kenny’s not a bad student.”
Servo: “He’s just twisted.”
Teacher: “The other students make fun of him. They think he’s strange.”
Crow: “Yeah, kids are perceptive that way.”
Lady: “His mother died when he was very young.”
Joel: “She was mauled by turtles.”
Servo (as teacher): “Oh, and ask him to bathe. We must have some rules.”
Cut to Kenny’s family at dinner. Kenny sneaks some food from the table.
Lady: “Kenny? What are you doing with that?”
Joel (as Kenny): “Evil things. Horrible things.”
Lady: “Who’s all this food for?”
Joel: “Sauron the Dark Lord!”
And they make Kenny get rid of his pet turtle.
Servo (Makes flushing noises).
Joel: “See you on the other side, sweet friend.”
First Host Segment: Servo signs a heart-felt song to Tibby, Kenny’s pet turtle. It’s a great song and a great segment, especially when Crow tries to join in. Again, Kevin Murphy has a beautiful voice.
Crow: “Do you realize a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?”
Back in the movie, Kenny is moping and Gamera pops up over the cliff looking at him. Kenny sees him.
Crow (As Gamera): “Those kids at school they tease you Kenny, because they’ve never tasted Hell. Today we turn the tables!”
Lady: “You’re seeing things!”
(Ground starts shaking)
Crow: “Oh, now you’re feeling things! Kenny, stop it.”
Gamera pops up again.
Crow (as Gamera): “What’s all this about not letting Kenny keep his turtle?”
And Kenny randomly climbs up into the lighthouse, which Gamera promptly smashes.
They’re all cheering for Kenny to fall (I’m with them). He does, but Gamera catches him (boo).
Crow: “Yeah, quick, move his spine around, he’s had a bad fall.”
Kenny starts insisting that Gamera must be good, because he saved him (after trying to kill him, note).
Cut to scientist etc.
Odd voice off screen: “Excuse me Dr. Hidaka?”
Crow: “I have this stabbing pain in my back!”
Joel does a great little other side of the phone voice.
Radio: “Reports are coming in about the devastation caused by Gamera. Although some of these come from unreliable sources.”
Crow: “Like Kenny.”
Kenny finds a pile of rocks.
Crow: “Oh, it’s Tibby’s burial mound!”
Servo: “Shut up.”
Kenny: “Tibby?”
Crow: “Or not ti-be!”
Kenny runs around calling for Tibby.
Crow: “Tibby? Tibby? Squish! Oh, Tibby!”
Joel: “What are you worried about, Tibby’s long dead Tom.”
Servo: “I’m leaving! This is terrible!”
Servo tries to exit through the other side of the theater.
Crow: “How does he expect Tibby to signal him? Light a flare?”
Cut to three heroes on another plane.
Joel: “Man, they’ve been on that plane for like forty-eight hours!”
Reporter guy is starting to get creepy in his obsession with the girl.
Dr. Hidaka: “He must be found soon. Or there’ll be chaos everywhere.”
(Cut to a guy with a clip-board)
Joel: “Let’s see there’s chaos here, chaos there, uh, yup, he’s right, chaos everywhere.”
Gamera starts heading for a geothermal power plant.
Three heroes show up as well.
Commander: “I’m sorry. Reporters aren’t allowed here.”
Servo: “But I’m a bad reporter…”
A guy with a rather odd voice shows up, much to Joel’s delight as he starts imitating him mercilessly.
Crow (after Joel does several quips in odd voice): “Stop please. You can be replaced by Leno, you know.”
Joel: “Sorry.”
Cut to heroes in a jeep.
Crow: “I-it’s s-s-o bu-umpy!”
And they try to electrocute Gamera as he attacks.
Guy: “The electrical shocks don’t seem to bother Gamera at all.”
Servo: “Hm. And I was counting very heavily on them.”
Military fires at Gamera.
Servo: “Three-Mile Island: The real story.”
Joel: “Doesn’t he kind of look like Godzilla with a backpack on?”
Gamera starts eating the fire.
Hidaka: “I must go back to the university.”
Crow: “You stay here.”
Cut to a university where we meet a scientist who looks a lot like a Col. Sanders.
Col. Sanders: “Gamera has the power to convert organic matter into inorganic matter.”
Joel: “Oh, like McDonalds.”
Soldier: “Commander, I believe we ought to call UN Headquarters!”
Servo: “Oh, what, so you’re in charge now?”
And Kenny is there for some reason and starts cheering for Gamera to run. Joel tries to cover his mouth.
Kenny screams that Gamera is good (despite all evidence to the contrary).
Kenny: “Gamera saved my life once.”
Crow: “Yeah, that’s great kid. Guard!”
Kenny: “Gamera is a good turtle, sir.”
Servo: “Yep, what he’s done today is a benefit to all, kid.”
Soldier: “The plant is completely destroyed.”
Crow: “I told you to water the plant!”
Military suggests a freezing bomb, which only lasts for ten-minutes.
Katherine: “You mean it can really freeze anything?”
Crow: “Even a man’s passion?”
They really emphasize the ‘ten-minute’ limit.
Hidaka: “If we make a mistake the whole plan will fail!”
Servo: “No pressure, though.”
Second Host Segment: Crow does that voodoo that he do so well on Kenny via Joel’s Jim Varney doll. Joel tries to get them to feel some compassion for Kenny. It doesn’t work, of course. It’s a pretty funny sketch, especially Crow’s plan to give Kenny a big hug…and squeeze him, and squeeze him, and squeeze, and squeeze, and squeeeeeze…Also contains perhaps the first mention of Kim Catrall, the future object of Crow’s affection.
Back in the movie, they’re bombing Gamera with the freezing bombs.
The plan ends with Gamera rolling onto his back.
Crow (as Gamera): “Tell Kenny I loved him.”
And they all expect Gamera to die shortly, since turtles can’t turn over.
Gamera pulls in his head and feet:
Servo: “I’m melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!”
And Gamera starts his jets and flies off like a flying saucer.
Joel (on Hidaka): “Looks like it’s back to Botech for me.”
Hidaka: “They were trying to tell us that Gamera was a flying creature!”
Servo: “A little late, herr doktor.”
(A newspaper suddenly pops up on screen)
Servo: “Smash! Newspaper hits Japanese in face!”
(Cut to old guy reading paper)
Joel: “Ooh, that stung!”
And suddenly cut to Kenny and his mysterious female relative living in Tokyo:
Lady: “What are these stones for?”
Joel (as Kenny): “To hurt people. Life hurts me, so I hurt back.”
Lady: “I suppose this is another foolishness of yours.”
Crow: “I suppose now we’re going to be attacked by a giant rock.”
And Kenny and Lady burst in on Hidaka unannounced.
Katherine: “I told Kenny that when he was visiting Tokyo he ought to come and see us.”
Hidaka: “Oh, how nice.”
Servo: “I didn’t really mean…”
(Lady rambles on about what’s been happening with them)
Servo (as Hidaka): “Oh, how nice for you. Look, I need to get back to work.”
Kenny: “Doctor…”
Joel: “You’re going to die, sir.”
Kenny: “Gamera must be terribly lonely.”
Crow: “Kenny, he’s a turtle! Get a mitt and catch a clue!”
Joel (as Kenny): “Gamera demands your instant death!”
Joel: “Your passing will be painless, doctor.”
Cut to Kenny having an argument with another boy over his stones.
Kenny: “Give me back my stones.”
Joel: “You were born of a jackal!”
Turns out the other kid threw Kenny’s stones into the river.
Joel (as Kenny): “DIE! DIE! DIE!”
Now cut to Kenny mopping in a bed, complete with Exorcist jokes.
Joel (as Kenny): “I am the dream warrior!”
And now cut to some fishermen complaining about how the fishing is so bad, then news about floods in Tokyo, complete with stock footage)
Crow: “Oh, ah, this is Pearl Harbor, how did this get in here?”
Hidaka blames Gamera for the disasters (this plot line goes nowhere, by the way).
Mirasu: “I am forced to admit there may be more disasters ahead.”
Servo: “More Gamera movies.”
Cut to a Tokyo airport, where Gamera shows up and kills everyone.
Joel: “Well, so much for Kenny’s theory about him being good-hearted.”
Cut to a rock band.
Crow: “Kenny and the Ken-Tones!”
And the dancers are literally too dumb to live, so they keep dancing while Gamera approaches, even as the police try to make them evacuate.
And Gamera takes down Tokyo Tower and pretty much kills everyone he sees.
Kenny creepily watches the destruction.
Lady: “Hurry, we must leave right away!”
Joel (creepy monotone): “There is still so much work to be done though, sister.”
In the aftermath of the destruction, the Lady tries to evacuate and realizes the Kenny is gone.
Servo: “Oh, who’s she kidding? She’s been wishing for this since frame one.”
So, Gamera is being kept at a coal plant by plying him with flames. Kenny inexplicably decides to go to him.
Crow (as Gamera): “Why? Why? The world was never meant for one as beautiful as me!”
Kenny hops a petroleum train heading for Gamera. Why? He’s psychotic, okay?
Crow makes a bad pun and Joel just casually rips his arm off and hits him with it!
(Guy answers phone)
Guy: “Did it work?”
Servo: “This is Gamera: knock it off!”
And one of the workers risks his life to try to save the ungrateful little psychopath.
Joel (as Kenny): “Gamera, I’m coming to be in union with you!”
(as the guy tries to save Kenny)
Joel: “Don’t touch me infidel! The man-goat shall make you pay!”
And they both only barely survive (unfortunately).
The workers all mock Kenny (as do the guys), very justly.
Anyway, the government is now ready to execute “Z Plan.” What is Z Plan? You’ll see, gentle viewer.
Announcer: “The area is off limits to civilians. Not even the press is allowed to enter the area.”
Joel: “Kenny, however, is free to move about.”
Indeed, Kenny stows away on the ship heading to the area.
Third Host Segment: The bots are in a beauty shop and are visited by Gamera (played by Mike Nelson). He’s really nice and admits that he’s using Kenny. It’s a fun little sketch.
Oddly, Joel is already in the theater when they return. He doesn’t believe they met Gamera.
Kenny travlling:
Joel (singing): “Hmm, death to the world…”
Crow (on the island where the end will take place): “Once a garden spot. Now, a playground of death.”
Hidaka: “Kenny, you’re a friend of Gamera, aren’t you?”
Servo: “Oh, very much so!”
Joel: “I am his key-master.”
(Kenny looks thoughtful)
Joel: “Now let’s see, what could I screw up big time…yeah, that’s it! Boats! Everybody needs boats!”
The military creates a line of fire across the ocean to the site of Z Plan (it’s actually a pretty cool shot).
Gamera follows the line of fire, gobbling it up.
But oh noes! A Typhoon threatens to put out the fire!
Joel: “Emperor Kenny, it’s got a nice ring to it. I shall soon be crowned king.”
Hurrah! Reporter guy starts setting fire to the installation to draw Gamera! (and no one else thought of that for some reason).
Servo: “And now Gamera in a scene from ‘From Here to Eternity’”
Joel: “That’s more like the length of this movie.”
But oh noes! The rain puts out the fire!
Crow (as Gamera): “You never loved me, Kenny! It’s just the rocks you cared about!”
Hurrah! A volcano goes off and Gamera is drawn back! (seriously, this whole climax is amazingly contrived).
So they put Z Plan into operation (which Kenny is suddenly excited about, even though he did his best to sabotage it a few minutes ago).
By the way, we get a really pretty impressive mate painting here.
Crow: “Oh, good, Kenny’s here: we can start.”
Joel: “Get me a phone to Moscow and a chocolate doughnut for Kenny.”
So, Z Plan was to trap Gamera in the enormous rocket they just had sitting around and shoot him into space.
Crow and Servo start singing the MST3k Theme song! Joel is not pleased.
And everyone’s happy! Hidaka advises Katherine to give up science and marry reporter guy. Kenny plans to see Gamera again.
Kenny: “Gamera! See you soon!”
Crow (as Gamera): “Hey, Kenny! Get bent!”
Crow: “Gamera will be back in ‘The Bells of Saint Mary’s!’”
Final Host Segment: “A quality cast deserves a second look.” Tom gives a second look at the characters in the film. It’s very funny. Then we get a letter. Joel comments that this wasn’t such a bad movie this time. The Mads are not happy about that.
Stinger: Eskimo says “Bye.” It’s a pretty decent moment, just for the way he says it. An acceptable stinger.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Mad Monster
5. Lost Continent
6. Gamera
7. First Spaceship to Venus
8. Rocketship XM
9. Moon Zero Two
10. Godzilla vs. Megalon
11. The Crawling Hand
12. Catalina Caper
13. King Dinosaur
14. Jungle Goddess
15. Wild Rebels
16. The Corpse Vanishes
17. Ring of Terror
18. Untamed Youth
19. The Slime People
20. Project Moonbase
21. The Sidehackers
22. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
23. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
24. Cave Dwellers
25. Hellcats
26. Rocket Attack USA
27. Robot Holocaust
28. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A goofy monster movie, some great riffing, and strong host segments make this an all-around great episode.
Final Rating: 10/10.
Here begins what will be a pattern in Season three of roughly every other film being a Japanese Sci-fi flick. This will prove a rich, fertile field for the Brains, for Japanese Sci-Fi Movies are some of the most bizarre films that mankind has ever committed to celluloid. And that’s not even considering the Japanese Special Effects style (which calls to mind the nursery rhyme: When it is good, it’s very, very good, but when it’s bad, it’s horrid) or the half-hearted dubbing, usually with some rather odd accents and dialogue as they attempt to match the Japanese lip movements.
This is the first of the Gamera film series, which can probably be best described as the poor-man’s Godzilla. I know some Gamera fans have objected to that description, but it really is very apt. The Gamera films can certainly be enjoyable, but watching them tends to make the viewer realize how much better the contemporary Godzilla movies are.
For instance, the same year “Gamera” came out Toho released “Invasion of Astro Monster,” completing the trilogy that arguably represents the high-point of the early Godzilla series (not counting the original, of course). As part of the plot of that film, the Xian Aliens request that Godzilla and Rodan be sent to Planet X to defeat King Ghidorah, as they did on Earth in the previous film. The humans object that, even if they knew where the monsters were, it would be impossible for them to capture them and bring them there. The Xians assure them that they will handle that. Now compare that to the end of “Gamera,” where the humans defeat the giant turtle by shutting him in a giant rocket and shooting him off to Mars. As out-there as the Godzilla movies could be, they tended to maintain at least a tenuous connection with reality; a connection the Gamera series throws off like a suicidal bungee-jumper.
Well, anyway, the first Gamera movie shows how Gamera was awakened by a nuclear bomb accidentally detonated in the arctic, releasing him from his icy prison. His revival is witnessed by Dr. Hidaka, his daughter, Katherine, and a reporter named Alex, who is rather creepily obsessed with Katherine. Gamera’s first move is to destroy their ship, killing everyone on board (in a pathetic attempt to mirror the shipping disasters that open “Godzilla”). We then meet far and away the most frightening thing in this film: Kenny. This little brat is obsessed with turtles and as soon as he sees Gamera he becomes almost religiously devoted to him. Listening to Kenny is like reading the parts of a Tom Clancy novel written from the terrorists’ perspective. Honestly, this kid is really disturbing in the way he keeps insisting that Gamera is ‘good and gentle’ even while the monster is laying waste to Tokyo.
So, Gamera arrives in Japan, lays waste to the country for a while in his search for flames to eat (apparently Japan is the only nation that produces flames, since Gamera flies around the world several times but only ever attacks Japan. Oh, did I mention he can fly? Because he can). Kenny does everything he can to sabotage the efforts to stop Gamera, yet Hidaka and everyone still treat him with parental kindness rather than committing him (and there are some rather disturbing hints that Kenny is actually directing Gamera’s attacks somehow). Eventually a really contrived ending takes place, where Gamera is, indeed, locked in a giant rocket (seriously, that thing must be a mile tall at least) and shot into space (this was “Z Plan:” apparently something they had been working on long before Gamera showed up. No word on why exactly they made such a huge rocket in the first place).
So, yeah, the film is pretty bad. But it’s a friendly, fun kind of bad. Joel himself notes that it’s not such a bad movie. Gamera is a pretty cool monster, with his huge tusks and ability to shoot into the air like a flying saucer. If it weren’t for Kenny the film would be a pretty painless experience. As it is…well, at least Kenny doesn’t have as much screen time as some of his future cinematic brothers would.
The episode is very funny, with Joel and the ‘bots in top form throughout, riffing on the poor effects, Kenny’s creepiness, the odd voices, and so on. The host segments are all pretty strong too, each expertly spoofing the movie. So, a goofy-Japanese sci-fi flick, strong riffing, and strong host segments make this an all around excellent episode.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: Joel and the bots are warming up under Tom’s direction. It’s pretty amusing, and actually appropriate as they are warming up their voices; the kind of things actors do before performing.
Invention Exchange: Joel has an endless salad. It’s really endless. (Also a great bit where Crow tricks Tom into a ‘trust exercise’). Frank has invented a vacuum cleaner for cleaning bird cages. It sucks up the whole cage, bird and all. A very amusing sketch all around.
The credits open over close-up footage of the ocean.
Servo: “Water! The source of all life!”
Our first acquaintance with Sandy Frank, who will turn out to have one of the more painful relations with the Brains.
Servo: “Titles by the Atlantic Ocean.”
Cut to bombers in flight.
Servo: “Oh, death from on high. Neat.”
Crow: “Micro Machines at five-o’clock! And GI Joe is there!”
Reporter: “It looks wild!”
Girl: “You can say that again.”
All: “It looks wild!”
Crow (on a dog in the background): “Ruff. Arf.”
Anyway, three characters meet with some Eskimos and then notice the bombers overhead.
Sailor: “Do you think Dr. Hidaka will learn anything from the Eskimos?”
Servo: “Oh, get real!”
Cut to an American base hearing about the bombers.
Crow: “Americans? What are they doing in the film?”
General: “Have you spotted anything on your radar screen?”
Really bad actor: “No sir. It must coated with anti…electric wave paint sir.”
Joel: “Cut! Cut! Let’s do that again!”
Servo: “Hey, it’s Curly Joe as the General.”
Sailor: “Captain, will they attack us?”
Captain: “I doubt it.”
Joel: “They’re models.”
Some American planes chase the mysterious bombers.
(Bomber fires a missile out its rear)
Joel: “Uh, you lost your muffler.”
(American planes shoot down bombers)
Servo: “And that’s just a warning.”
Girl: “It looks like that air plane carried atomic weapons.”
Servo: “Which means we’re all dead.”
Scientist: “Be careful, don’t go into that area, there’s radiation there.”
Servo: “And as everyone knows it can only affect you if you touch it.”
The ice melts and breaks.
Servo: “And so, in fear and hot water, the first slurpy is born!”
And Gamera breaks out of the ice!
(Girl fiddles with radio while an Eskimo kid stands next to her)
Girl: “Atmospheric conditions are bad and I can’t make contact.”
Servo: “And this little kid keeps twisting all the dials.”
(Joel smacks the kid)
Hidaka: “Good-bye, Chief.”
Crow: “Good-bye McCloud.”
(They’ll really run that gag into the ground next episode)
And the Eskimo chief gives the scientist the ‘Legendary stone’ with pictures of Gamera.
Eskimo: “It is the devil’s envoy!”
Servo: “Kissinger?”
Eskimo: “Gamera!”
Servo: “Oh.”
(examining the stone)
Hidaka: “There are waves around it, it must be aquatic…”
Crow: “Like a duck?”
And the sailors are watching Gamera through binoculars.
Gamera attacks the ship…
And kills everyone on board.
Some toy jets take off…
Servo: “Ice Station Tyco.”
(on a shot of a pilot with a black visor)
Servo: “I can’t see a damn thing. What’s going on, it’s pitch black in here?”
(pilot lifts the visor)
Servo: “Oh.”
(flying over a huge hole in the ice)
Crow: “Looks like we’re flying over the plot hole of the film.”
Cut to New York.
(on a sign saying ‘New York news studio’ which has been cut off by the camera)
Servo: “Oh, New York News Stud.”
Crow: “Hello, ladies!”
Hidaka and his daughter give a news conference with the stud.
(On the bored looking daughter)
Joel: “Sleep! Sleep!”
After the news conference we cut to a drunk old man walking home at night.
Servo: “Oh, this is the universal unsuspecting drunkard about to have a brush with the supernatural.”
And he sees a fireball flying around in the air (his main concern is that it changes its course, not that it’s a huge fireball).
Old Guy: “Maybe it’s the flying saucer I’ve heard them talk about…so much…lately.”
All (applause): “Bravo!”
Reporter (talking about flying saucers): “Even an old farmer outside of Tokyo claims he saw one.”
Servo: “But he’s old, goofy, and drunk.”
Cut to airplane where our three leads are flying.
Servo: “The captain has turned off the no-dubbing sign; you are free to speak any language you choose.”
So, wait, the girl flew from the Arctic to New York and now is flying home and only now realizes that they’re the only survivors?! I guess she’s a little slow.
Hidaka: “There were at least seven or eight camera men along with the expedition.”
Crow: “Now they’re Gamera men.”
Reporter guy confesses that he chose to go along with Hidaka to be with his daughter.
Cut to a lighthouse on the coast.
Lady (looking off screen): “Hello!”
All: “Hi!”
Lady: “Nice to see you.”
All: “Thank you!”
She’s meeting with Kenny’s teacher (who is Kenny? Oh, you’ll see, gentle reader, you’ll see).
Teacher: “He’s done a very strange drawing. I thought you should see it.”
Joel: “Uh, that’s me with the arrows through my head.”
We learn Kenny is obsessed with turtles.
Teacher: “Kenny’s not a bad student.”
Servo: “He’s just twisted.”
Teacher: “The other students make fun of him. They think he’s strange.”
Crow: “Yeah, kids are perceptive that way.”
Lady: “His mother died when he was very young.”
Joel: “She was mauled by turtles.”
Servo (as teacher): “Oh, and ask him to bathe. We must have some rules.”
Cut to Kenny’s family at dinner. Kenny sneaks some food from the table.
Lady: “Kenny? What are you doing with that?”
Joel (as Kenny): “Evil things. Horrible things.”
Lady: “Who’s all this food for?”
Joel: “Sauron the Dark Lord!”
And they make Kenny get rid of his pet turtle.
Servo (Makes flushing noises).
Joel: “See you on the other side, sweet friend.”
First Host Segment: Servo signs a heart-felt song to Tibby, Kenny’s pet turtle. It’s a great song and a great segment, especially when Crow tries to join in. Again, Kevin Murphy has a beautiful voice.
Crow: “Do you realize a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?”
Back in the movie, Kenny is moping and Gamera pops up over the cliff looking at him. Kenny sees him.
Crow (As Gamera): “Those kids at school they tease you Kenny, because they’ve never tasted Hell. Today we turn the tables!”
Lady: “You’re seeing things!”
(Ground starts shaking)
Crow: “Oh, now you’re feeling things! Kenny, stop it.”
Gamera pops up again.
Crow (as Gamera): “What’s all this about not letting Kenny keep his turtle?”
And Kenny randomly climbs up into the lighthouse, which Gamera promptly smashes.
They’re all cheering for Kenny to fall (I’m with them). He does, but Gamera catches him (boo).
Crow: “Yeah, quick, move his spine around, he’s had a bad fall.”
Kenny starts insisting that Gamera must be good, because he saved him (after trying to kill him, note).
Cut to scientist etc.
Odd voice off screen: “Excuse me Dr. Hidaka?”
Crow: “I have this stabbing pain in my back!”
Joel does a great little other side of the phone voice.
Radio: “Reports are coming in about the devastation caused by Gamera. Although some of these come from unreliable sources.”
Crow: “Like Kenny.”
Kenny finds a pile of rocks.
Crow: “Oh, it’s Tibby’s burial mound!”
Servo: “Shut up.”
Kenny: “Tibby?”
Crow: “Or not ti-be!”
Kenny runs around calling for Tibby.
Crow: “Tibby? Tibby? Squish! Oh, Tibby!”
Joel: “What are you worried about, Tibby’s long dead Tom.”
Servo: “I’m leaving! This is terrible!”
Servo tries to exit through the other side of the theater.
Crow: “How does he expect Tibby to signal him? Light a flare?”
Cut to three heroes on another plane.
Joel: “Man, they’ve been on that plane for like forty-eight hours!”
Reporter guy is starting to get creepy in his obsession with the girl.
Dr. Hidaka: “He must be found soon. Or there’ll be chaos everywhere.”
(Cut to a guy with a clip-board)
Joel: “Let’s see there’s chaos here, chaos there, uh, yup, he’s right, chaos everywhere.”
Gamera starts heading for a geothermal power plant.
Three heroes show up as well.
Commander: “I’m sorry. Reporters aren’t allowed here.”
Servo: “But I’m a bad reporter…”
A guy with a rather odd voice shows up, much to Joel’s delight as he starts imitating him mercilessly.
Crow (after Joel does several quips in odd voice): “Stop please. You can be replaced by Leno, you know.”
Joel: “Sorry.”
Cut to heroes in a jeep.
Crow: “I-it’s s-s-o bu-umpy!”
And they try to electrocute Gamera as he attacks.
Guy: “The electrical shocks don’t seem to bother Gamera at all.”
Servo: “Hm. And I was counting very heavily on them.”
Military fires at Gamera.
Servo: “Three-Mile Island: The real story.”
Joel: “Doesn’t he kind of look like Godzilla with a backpack on?”
Gamera starts eating the fire.
Hidaka: “I must go back to the university.”
Crow: “You stay here.”
Cut to a university where we meet a scientist who looks a lot like a Col. Sanders.
Col. Sanders: “Gamera has the power to convert organic matter into inorganic matter.”
Joel: “Oh, like McDonalds.”
Soldier: “Commander, I believe we ought to call UN Headquarters!”
Servo: “Oh, what, so you’re in charge now?”
And Kenny is there for some reason and starts cheering for Gamera to run. Joel tries to cover his mouth.
Kenny screams that Gamera is good (despite all evidence to the contrary).
Kenny: “Gamera saved my life once.”
Crow: “Yeah, that’s great kid. Guard!”
Kenny: “Gamera is a good turtle, sir.”
Servo: “Yep, what he’s done today is a benefit to all, kid.”
Soldier: “The plant is completely destroyed.”
Crow: “I told you to water the plant!”
Military suggests a freezing bomb, which only lasts for ten-minutes.
Katherine: “You mean it can really freeze anything?”
Crow: “Even a man’s passion?”
They really emphasize the ‘ten-minute’ limit.
Hidaka: “If we make a mistake the whole plan will fail!”
Servo: “No pressure, though.”
Second Host Segment: Crow does that voodoo that he do so well on Kenny via Joel’s Jim Varney doll. Joel tries to get them to feel some compassion for Kenny. It doesn’t work, of course. It’s a pretty funny sketch, especially Crow’s plan to give Kenny a big hug…and squeeze him, and squeeze him, and squeeze, and squeeze, and squeeeeeze…Also contains perhaps the first mention of Kim Catrall, the future object of Crow’s affection.
Back in the movie, they’re bombing Gamera with the freezing bombs.
The plan ends with Gamera rolling onto his back.
Crow (as Gamera): “Tell Kenny I loved him.”
And they all expect Gamera to die shortly, since turtles can’t turn over.
Gamera pulls in his head and feet:
Servo: “I’m melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!”
And Gamera starts his jets and flies off like a flying saucer.
Joel (on Hidaka): “Looks like it’s back to Botech for me.”
Hidaka: “They were trying to tell us that Gamera was a flying creature!”
Servo: “A little late, herr doktor.”
(A newspaper suddenly pops up on screen)
Servo: “Smash! Newspaper hits Japanese in face!”
(Cut to old guy reading paper)
Joel: “Ooh, that stung!”
And suddenly cut to Kenny and his mysterious female relative living in Tokyo:
Lady: “What are these stones for?”
Joel (as Kenny): “To hurt people. Life hurts me, so I hurt back.”
Lady: “I suppose this is another foolishness of yours.”
Crow: “I suppose now we’re going to be attacked by a giant rock.”
And Kenny and Lady burst in on Hidaka unannounced.
Katherine: “I told Kenny that when he was visiting Tokyo he ought to come and see us.”
Hidaka: “Oh, how nice.”
Servo: “I didn’t really mean…”
(Lady rambles on about what’s been happening with them)
Servo (as Hidaka): “Oh, how nice for you. Look, I need to get back to work.”
Kenny: “Doctor…”
Joel: “You’re going to die, sir.”
Kenny: “Gamera must be terribly lonely.”
Crow: “Kenny, he’s a turtle! Get a mitt and catch a clue!”
Joel (as Kenny): “Gamera demands your instant death!”
Joel: “Your passing will be painless, doctor.”
Cut to Kenny having an argument with another boy over his stones.
Kenny: “Give me back my stones.”
Joel: “You were born of a jackal!”
Turns out the other kid threw Kenny’s stones into the river.
Joel (as Kenny): “DIE! DIE! DIE!”
Now cut to Kenny mopping in a bed, complete with Exorcist jokes.
Joel (as Kenny): “I am the dream warrior!”
And now cut to some fishermen complaining about how the fishing is so bad, then news about floods in Tokyo, complete with stock footage)
Crow: “Oh, ah, this is Pearl Harbor, how did this get in here?”
Hidaka blames Gamera for the disasters (this plot line goes nowhere, by the way).
Mirasu: “I am forced to admit there may be more disasters ahead.”
Servo: “More Gamera movies.”
Cut to a Tokyo airport, where Gamera shows up and kills everyone.
Joel: “Well, so much for Kenny’s theory about him being good-hearted.”
Cut to a rock band.
Crow: “Kenny and the Ken-Tones!”
And the dancers are literally too dumb to live, so they keep dancing while Gamera approaches, even as the police try to make them evacuate.
And Gamera takes down Tokyo Tower and pretty much kills everyone he sees.
Kenny creepily watches the destruction.
Lady: “Hurry, we must leave right away!”
Joel (creepy monotone): “There is still so much work to be done though, sister.”
In the aftermath of the destruction, the Lady tries to evacuate and realizes the Kenny is gone.
Servo: “Oh, who’s she kidding? She’s been wishing for this since frame one.”
So, Gamera is being kept at a coal plant by plying him with flames. Kenny inexplicably decides to go to him.
Crow (as Gamera): “Why? Why? The world was never meant for one as beautiful as me!”
Kenny hops a petroleum train heading for Gamera. Why? He’s psychotic, okay?
Crow makes a bad pun and Joel just casually rips his arm off and hits him with it!
(Guy answers phone)
Guy: “Did it work?”
Servo: “This is Gamera: knock it off!”
And one of the workers risks his life to try to save the ungrateful little psychopath.
Joel (as Kenny): “Gamera, I’m coming to be in union with you!”
(as the guy tries to save Kenny)
Joel: “Don’t touch me infidel! The man-goat shall make you pay!”
And they both only barely survive (unfortunately).
The workers all mock Kenny (as do the guys), very justly.
Anyway, the government is now ready to execute “Z Plan.” What is Z Plan? You’ll see, gentle viewer.
Announcer: “The area is off limits to civilians. Not even the press is allowed to enter the area.”
Joel: “Kenny, however, is free to move about.”
Indeed, Kenny stows away on the ship heading to the area.
Third Host Segment: The bots are in a beauty shop and are visited by Gamera (played by Mike Nelson). He’s really nice and admits that he’s using Kenny. It’s a fun little sketch.
Oddly, Joel is already in the theater when they return. He doesn’t believe they met Gamera.
Kenny travlling:
Joel (singing): “Hmm, death to the world…”
Crow (on the island where the end will take place): “Once a garden spot. Now, a playground of death.”
Hidaka: “Kenny, you’re a friend of Gamera, aren’t you?”
Servo: “Oh, very much so!”
Joel: “I am his key-master.”
(Kenny looks thoughtful)
Joel: “Now let’s see, what could I screw up big time…yeah, that’s it! Boats! Everybody needs boats!”
The military creates a line of fire across the ocean to the site of Z Plan (it’s actually a pretty cool shot).
Gamera follows the line of fire, gobbling it up.
But oh noes! A Typhoon threatens to put out the fire!
Joel: “Emperor Kenny, it’s got a nice ring to it. I shall soon be crowned king.”
Hurrah! Reporter guy starts setting fire to the installation to draw Gamera! (and no one else thought of that for some reason).
Servo: “And now Gamera in a scene from ‘From Here to Eternity’”
Joel: “That’s more like the length of this movie.”
But oh noes! The rain puts out the fire!
Crow (as Gamera): “You never loved me, Kenny! It’s just the rocks you cared about!”
Hurrah! A volcano goes off and Gamera is drawn back! (seriously, this whole climax is amazingly contrived).
So they put Z Plan into operation (which Kenny is suddenly excited about, even though he did his best to sabotage it a few minutes ago).
By the way, we get a really pretty impressive mate painting here.
Crow: “Oh, good, Kenny’s here: we can start.”
Joel: “Get me a phone to Moscow and a chocolate doughnut for Kenny.”
So, Z Plan was to trap Gamera in the enormous rocket they just had sitting around and shoot him into space.
Crow and Servo start singing the MST3k Theme song! Joel is not pleased.
And everyone’s happy! Hidaka advises Katherine to give up science and marry reporter guy. Kenny plans to see Gamera again.
Kenny: “Gamera! See you soon!”
Crow (as Gamera): “Hey, Kenny! Get bent!”
Crow: “Gamera will be back in ‘The Bells of Saint Mary’s!’”
Final Host Segment: “A quality cast deserves a second look.” Tom gives a second look at the characters in the film. It’s very funny. Then we get a letter. Joel comments that this wasn’t such a bad movie this time. The Mads are not happy about that.
Stinger: Eskimo says “Bye.” It’s a pretty decent moment, just for the way he says it. An acceptable stinger.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Mad Monster
5. Lost Continent
6. Gamera
7. First Spaceship to Venus
8. Rocketship XM
9. Moon Zero Two
10. Godzilla vs. Megalon
11. The Crawling Hand
12. Catalina Caper
13. King Dinosaur
14. Jungle Goddess
15. Wild Rebels
16. The Corpse Vanishes
17. Ring of Terror
18. Untamed Youth
19. The Slime People
20. Project Moonbase
21. The Sidehackers
22. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
23. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
24. Cave Dwellers
25. Hellcats
26. Rocket Attack USA
27. Robot Holocaust
28. Robot Monster
Conclusion: A goofy monster movie, some great riffing, and strong host segments make this an all-around great episode.
Final Rating: 10/10.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)