I could gaze at your picture for hours on end
And count the time well spent.
I could read your name again and again
And feel I was content.
I could hear you speak for days and days
And thank God for my lot.
I could say that I love you in so many ways
But I cannot.
I would wait in the rain for a day and a night
To sit with you a while.
I would spare myself no scorn or sleight
If it would make you smile.
I would sing of your beauty and kindness and grace
As what I long have sought.
I would gaze long and loving at your lovely face
But I cannot.
I wish I could tell you what goes through my soul
Each time I catch your glance.
I wish, oh I wish that I somehow could know
If I even have a chance.
I pray that the hour may come sometime soon
To say what I dare not.
I wish I could offer my whole life to you
But I cannot.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Thoughts on "The King's Speech"
The head of the largest Empire on Earth, on the cusp of the greatest War in History can barely say a complete sentence.
In a nutshell, that is the premise of The King’s Speech. For those of us who have difficulty speaking, a crowded room or a face across the table is intimidating enough. For a man with a severe stutter to speak to the entire British Empire...words fail to convey how terrifying that must be. This film, however, succeeds.
For those who have no difficulty speaking, it can be hard to convey just how frustrating, how humiliating the sensation of not being able to say what you want can be. The King’s Speech makes sure everyone in its audience knows exactly how it feels in the very opening scenes, where Prince Albert (excellent Colin Firth, forever Mr. Darcy to me) has to deliver a short speech opening the British Empire Exhibition before a huge crowd. As he falters and begins to stammer every silence, every half-word, every inarticulate sound coming out of his throat is magnified a hundred times over, reflecting his shame and embarrassment. Later his father makes him practice with the Christmas broadcast the King has just finished giving. As Albert struggles through the first few sentences, his father yells at him: “TRY!” As if that was his problem.
Seeking help, Albert’s wife, Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter, also excellent) seeks out of the help of a rather unorthodox Australian speech therapist and failed-actor named Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush, excellent). And so begins a remarkable relationship between the Duke of York and this slightly eccentric colonial, which soon develops into a surprising friendship...perhaps the first real one the Duke has ever had, baring his wife. As Logue points out, he can help the stammering only to a certain extent: to really make progress he has to reach deeper to find the underlying issues, which will require Albert to confide in him.
The film evinces incredible understanding of those with speech difficulties, and any person watching who has such a problem will find themselves nodding in sympathy with poor Prince Albert as he struggles to so much as tell a bed-time story to his daughters. Also refreshing is how Albert (or Bertie has his family…and later Logue…call him) doesn’t make immediate progress. Indeed, he is never completely cured during the film, and the ending indicates that he never was. The important thing isn’t whether he stammers, it’s whether he can perform his duties with it.
Duty is something of a subordinate theme in this movie. One of the reasons Bertie’s speech therapy is so vital is that his brother, Prince Edward, is too wrapped up in his famous romance with Mrs. Simpson to attend to his duties as heir to the throne…even after their father dies and Edward becomes King. Edward is too completely taken in by Wallis Simpson to really understand the gravity of the situation…or the fact that Mrs. Simpson has ties to the Nazis.
This is dramatized in a scene where Bertie and Elizabeth visit Edward (Guy Pearce, who is, yes, excellent as a decidedly not excellent man) and Mrs. Simpson at a royal retreat in Scotland…where Edward has set Mrs. Simpson up and is holding a raucous party. He we have one of the most heart wrenching moments in the film. Bertie follows Edward around the castle, trying to convince him to do his duty, to impress upon him the seriousness of his position (“What of Kaiser Wilhelm? What of the Russian Czar? Where are they?”), and reminding him that he can’t marry a divorced, American, Nazi-supporting woman and be King. Edward cheerfully ignores him, until finally Bertie starts putting his foot down and demanding his brother act like a King. At this, Edward viciously resorts to mocking Albert’s stutter, bringing the discussion to a brutal halt. Here we see one of the worst parts of having a speech impediment: the fact that there is always something people can easily attack and there is nothing you can do about it. Like going through life with a gaping wound you can’t protect or cover. Albert can’t respond to Edward’s mocking, since any attempt to do so would only give him more fuel, more material to turn into mockery. All he can do is back down, despite the fact that he is clearly in the right.
The worst part about this scene is that, up to this point, Edward has been a fairly pleasant character: weak, but basically good natured. The two brothers have gotten along fine. It was only when Albert tried to disrupt Edward’s foolish little world that Edward turned on him. It’s a brutal, shocking scene.
There is another element to that scene, though, which is the thought that here is a man who’s speech impediment makes it impossible for him to stand up to his own brother. How can he be expected to stand up to Nazi Germany?
This very point is illustrated in another striking moment. Edward, of course, soon abdicates to “be with the woman I love” (bleh) leaving his infinitely more admirable brother with the unenviable task of being King of England. Not long after this, King George (as Albert is now called) sees his future nemesis in a newsreel and realizes that Adolf Hitler has exactly the power that the King of England so conspicuously lacks. A power he will need to develop if he is going to lead his people through another war with Germany. All this leads up to his pivotal moment: his first war time speech, with which he will have to rally his Empire to fight the most powerful army on Earth.
Despite the subject matter – the deaths of kings, the fates of Empires, World Wars – the film staunchly remains an intimate human drama…and occasionally a human comedy, in some hilarious moments in Logue’s therapy (including perhaps the least offensive stream of profanity imaginable) and in a repeated gag involving a single shilling. Then there is the delightful moment when Logue’s wife (whom he has not yet informed of the situation) returns home unexpectedly to find the Queen of England sitting at her table while the King and her husband panic in the other room (Logue’s wife, incidentally, is played by Jennifer Ehle, who played Elizabeth Bennet opposite Colin Firth’s Darcy. They get a brief moment to exchange a look that, while completely in character, comes across almost as a shared joke. As if that wasn’t enough, David Bamber, who played Mr. Collins, also shows up briefly, still oozing slime as if he never stopped). Completely floored, she finds herself asking their royal majesties to stay for dinner…an offer which the Queen graciously deflects to the relief of all.
The film abounds with well observed little character moments, such as the aforementioned bed-time story Albert tells his daughters (“We want a story about a penguin!”), which they adore despite the difficulty he had in saying it. After he is made king comes another moment with the girls, as they uncertainly courtesy to him instead of running for a hug. One of my favorite moments, however, comes almost at the end. As Albert prepares to give his all-important speech, Winston Churchill (Timothy Spall) informs him that he himself once had a speech impediment. It’s a good example of saying a lot with very little and relying on the audience to make the connection: Winston Churchill, one of the greatest orators of the twentieth century, himself once could not speak.
As the reasons for Albert’s speech impediment come to light, we begin to wonder how he turned out as well adjusted as he is. The slow, disjointed tale of abuse gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “oh, to be king!” As our sympathy for Albert builds, however, so does our admiration. Here is a man who never wanted to be king, who never thought to be king, and who never believed he could be king. “I’m not a king!” he sobs at one point, completely overwhelmed by the unfairness of his position. In another scene he sums up his whole, horrible position in remarkable speech. “If I’m a king, where’s my power?” he asks. “Can I declare war? Form a government? Levy a tax? No! And yet I’m the seat of all authority because they think when I speak I speak for them. But I can’t speak.”
But, unlike his brother, Albert does not abandon his post. With help from his friend and his loving wife, he manfully shoulders his duty and finds, to his immense surprise, that he is equal to it after all.
I myself have a very minor speech difficulty: I would hardly even call in an impediment, more of a slight stumbling block. It’s just enough that I have some inkling of what my friends who do have speech impediments go though, and I have seen the difficulty they sometimes have in this world that seems to think a stammer is an attempt to personally inconvenience it. That is one of the best things about this film: that it provides a window into what it is like to live that way. This is largely due to Colin Firth’s acting, which, as noted, is incredible. We feel his frustration as he struggles to get his words out, his shame when he simply cannot speak, his resentment and fear of those who expect him to simply “make himself” speak well. Compare his performance with the usual presentation of stutterers: actors simply repeating the first letter of a word a few times. Firth gulps, mouths soundlessly, makes inarticulate noise, everything that someone who really has this affliction does. In short, he actually seems to be trying to talk. His acting simply cannot be praised highly enough.
Geoffrey Rush also succeeds in his rather more conventional role. He does a wonderful job of showcasing Logue’s own personal doubts, as well as his frank uncertainty about having to treat the Duke of York (and later the King of England) as just another patient, but also the awareness that that’s the only way he can help him. The relationship between Rush and Firth constitutes the heart of the film, and both actors rise marvelously to the occasion. Helena Bonham Carter is also delightful as the beloved Queen Mother and gets many of the film’s most delightful moments, such as when she has to take a moment to figure out how to use the lift down to Logue’s office. As we learn more about Bertie’s life as a member of the royal family, we can’t help but be amazed and grateful that he found and married such a wonderfully normal woman.
This is a film that should be seen by everyone, and especially anyone who has or who knows someone with a speech impediment, or a social handicap, or anything of the kind. It is a brilliant, touching, funny reminder that all great men are, first of all, just men.
In a nutshell, that is the premise of The King’s Speech. For those of us who have difficulty speaking, a crowded room or a face across the table is intimidating enough. For a man with a severe stutter to speak to the entire British Empire...words fail to convey how terrifying that must be. This film, however, succeeds.
For those who have no difficulty speaking, it can be hard to convey just how frustrating, how humiliating the sensation of not being able to say what you want can be. The King’s Speech makes sure everyone in its audience knows exactly how it feels in the very opening scenes, where Prince Albert (excellent Colin Firth, forever Mr. Darcy to me) has to deliver a short speech opening the British Empire Exhibition before a huge crowd. As he falters and begins to stammer every silence, every half-word, every inarticulate sound coming out of his throat is magnified a hundred times over, reflecting his shame and embarrassment. Later his father makes him practice with the Christmas broadcast the King has just finished giving. As Albert struggles through the first few sentences, his father yells at him: “TRY!” As if that was his problem.
Seeking help, Albert’s wife, Elizabeth (Helena Bonham Carter, also excellent) seeks out of the help of a rather unorthodox Australian speech therapist and failed-actor named Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush, excellent). And so begins a remarkable relationship between the Duke of York and this slightly eccentric colonial, which soon develops into a surprising friendship...perhaps the first real one the Duke has ever had, baring his wife. As Logue points out, he can help the stammering only to a certain extent: to really make progress he has to reach deeper to find the underlying issues, which will require Albert to confide in him.
The film evinces incredible understanding of those with speech difficulties, and any person watching who has such a problem will find themselves nodding in sympathy with poor Prince Albert as he struggles to so much as tell a bed-time story to his daughters. Also refreshing is how Albert (or Bertie has his family…and later Logue…call him) doesn’t make immediate progress. Indeed, he is never completely cured during the film, and the ending indicates that he never was. The important thing isn’t whether he stammers, it’s whether he can perform his duties with it.
Duty is something of a subordinate theme in this movie. One of the reasons Bertie’s speech therapy is so vital is that his brother, Prince Edward, is too wrapped up in his famous romance with Mrs. Simpson to attend to his duties as heir to the throne…even after their father dies and Edward becomes King. Edward is too completely taken in by Wallis Simpson to really understand the gravity of the situation…or the fact that Mrs. Simpson has ties to the Nazis.
This is dramatized in a scene where Bertie and Elizabeth visit Edward (Guy Pearce, who is, yes, excellent as a decidedly not excellent man) and Mrs. Simpson at a royal retreat in Scotland…where Edward has set Mrs. Simpson up and is holding a raucous party. He we have one of the most heart wrenching moments in the film. Bertie follows Edward around the castle, trying to convince him to do his duty, to impress upon him the seriousness of his position (“What of Kaiser Wilhelm? What of the Russian Czar? Where are they?”), and reminding him that he can’t marry a divorced, American, Nazi-supporting woman and be King. Edward cheerfully ignores him, until finally Bertie starts putting his foot down and demanding his brother act like a King. At this, Edward viciously resorts to mocking Albert’s stutter, bringing the discussion to a brutal halt. Here we see one of the worst parts of having a speech impediment: the fact that there is always something people can easily attack and there is nothing you can do about it. Like going through life with a gaping wound you can’t protect or cover. Albert can’t respond to Edward’s mocking, since any attempt to do so would only give him more fuel, more material to turn into mockery. All he can do is back down, despite the fact that he is clearly in the right.
The worst part about this scene is that, up to this point, Edward has been a fairly pleasant character: weak, but basically good natured. The two brothers have gotten along fine. It was only when Albert tried to disrupt Edward’s foolish little world that Edward turned on him. It’s a brutal, shocking scene.
There is another element to that scene, though, which is the thought that here is a man who’s speech impediment makes it impossible for him to stand up to his own brother. How can he be expected to stand up to Nazi Germany?
This very point is illustrated in another striking moment. Edward, of course, soon abdicates to “be with the woman I love” (bleh) leaving his infinitely more admirable brother with the unenviable task of being King of England. Not long after this, King George (as Albert is now called) sees his future nemesis in a newsreel and realizes that Adolf Hitler has exactly the power that the King of England so conspicuously lacks. A power he will need to develop if he is going to lead his people through another war with Germany. All this leads up to his pivotal moment: his first war time speech, with which he will have to rally his Empire to fight the most powerful army on Earth.
Despite the subject matter – the deaths of kings, the fates of Empires, World Wars – the film staunchly remains an intimate human drama…and occasionally a human comedy, in some hilarious moments in Logue’s therapy (including perhaps the least offensive stream of profanity imaginable) and in a repeated gag involving a single shilling. Then there is the delightful moment when Logue’s wife (whom he has not yet informed of the situation) returns home unexpectedly to find the Queen of England sitting at her table while the King and her husband panic in the other room (Logue’s wife, incidentally, is played by Jennifer Ehle, who played Elizabeth Bennet opposite Colin Firth’s Darcy. They get a brief moment to exchange a look that, while completely in character, comes across almost as a shared joke. As if that wasn’t enough, David Bamber, who played Mr. Collins, also shows up briefly, still oozing slime as if he never stopped). Completely floored, she finds herself asking their royal majesties to stay for dinner…an offer which the Queen graciously deflects to the relief of all.
The film abounds with well observed little character moments, such as the aforementioned bed-time story Albert tells his daughters (“We want a story about a penguin!”), which they adore despite the difficulty he had in saying it. After he is made king comes another moment with the girls, as they uncertainly courtesy to him instead of running for a hug. One of my favorite moments, however, comes almost at the end. As Albert prepares to give his all-important speech, Winston Churchill (Timothy Spall) informs him that he himself once had a speech impediment. It’s a good example of saying a lot with very little and relying on the audience to make the connection: Winston Churchill, one of the greatest orators of the twentieth century, himself once could not speak.
As the reasons for Albert’s speech impediment come to light, we begin to wonder how he turned out as well adjusted as he is. The slow, disjointed tale of abuse gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “oh, to be king!” As our sympathy for Albert builds, however, so does our admiration. Here is a man who never wanted to be king, who never thought to be king, and who never believed he could be king. “I’m not a king!” he sobs at one point, completely overwhelmed by the unfairness of his position. In another scene he sums up his whole, horrible position in remarkable speech. “If I’m a king, where’s my power?” he asks. “Can I declare war? Form a government? Levy a tax? No! And yet I’m the seat of all authority because they think when I speak I speak for them. But I can’t speak.”
But, unlike his brother, Albert does not abandon his post. With help from his friend and his loving wife, he manfully shoulders his duty and finds, to his immense surprise, that he is equal to it after all.
I myself have a very minor speech difficulty: I would hardly even call in an impediment, more of a slight stumbling block. It’s just enough that I have some inkling of what my friends who do have speech impediments go though, and I have seen the difficulty they sometimes have in this world that seems to think a stammer is an attempt to personally inconvenience it. That is one of the best things about this film: that it provides a window into what it is like to live that way. This is largely due to Colin Firth’s acting, which, as noted, is incredible. We feel his frustration as he struggles to get his words out, his shame when he simply cannot speak, his resentment and fear of those who expect him to simply “make himself” speak well. Compare his performance with the usual presentation of stutterers: actors simply repeating the first letter of a word a few times. Firth gulps, mouths soundlessly, makes inarticulate noise, everything that someone who really has this affliction does. In short, he actually seems to be trying to talk. His acting simply cannot be praised highly enough.
Geoffrey Rush also succeeds in his rather more conventional role. He does a wonderful job of showcasing Logue’s own personal doubts, as well as his frank uncertainty about having to treat the Duke of York (and later the King of England) as just another patient, but also the awareness that that’s the only way he can help him. The relationship between Rush and Firth constitutes the heart of the film, and both actors rise marvelously to the occasion. Helena Bonham Carter is also delightful as the beloved Queen Mother and gets many of the film’s most delightful moments, such as when she has to take a moment to figure out how to use the lift down to Logue’s office. As we learn more about Bertie’s life as a member of the royal family, we can’t help but be amazed and grateful that he found and married such a wonderfully normal woman.
This is a film that should be seen by everyone, and especially anyone who has or who knows someone with a speech impediment, or a social handicap, or anything of the kind. It is a brilliant, touching, funny reminder that all great men are, first of all, just men.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Mst3k – 301: Cave Dwellers
First off, sorry for the extremely long delay this time. I got too busy to do this review, then the longer it took the less inclined I was to resume the project. Now, though, I’m going to try to get back on schedule with a review a week.
Anyway, Cave Dwellers. Ah, Cave Dwellers! Another genuine milestone in the history of Mst3k! This episode begins the Golden Age of Mystery Science Theater 3000; a period from the beginning of the Third Season to the end of the Sixth which represents the canon, the essence, the ‘pure’ Mst3k. This marks the point where they really hit their stride.
This pivotal episode features a movie which will become famous in the annals of Mst3k. ‘Cave Dwellers’ tells the story of Ator(Miles O’Keefe); the massive-haired, giant-pecced hero of the oppressed of generically-barbaric history. Ator gets called upon by the daughter of a dreadfully dull old-man, who is a generic wise-man/ancient scientist. He’s discovered something called the ‘Geometric Nucleus’ which does something. We never find out what, but it’s enough for a genericbad-guy (notice a pattern here?) to attack the old-guy and try to steal it. The daughter runs off to find Ator, and, along with Ator’s sidekick, Thong (who is the most likeable character in the movie due to the fact that he never speaks), wander back to the old-guy’s castle, having pointless and time-wasting adventures along the way. Finally, they make it back and Ator bombs the castle from the air (seriously), kills the bad guy, and destroys the nucleus.
The film is bristling with stupidity and errors. Early on, the girl is told Ator lives at ‘The Ends of the Earth,’ which she apparently reaches within a few hours with an *arrow in her chest*. On the way back, though, it takes several days and numerous obstacles to get back. I guess she took the short-cut on the way there. Meanwhile, random bad-guys show up for a couple scenes and disappear, velvety monsters are fought, and awkwardly choreographed sword fights ensue whenever the filmmakers remembered they were making a barbarian movie, while the film abounds in continuity errors, ridiculous dialogue, plot holes, and all sorts of fodder for Joel and the bots to get their teeth into.
Miles O’Keefe is one of those actors who seem to have made an indefinable impression on the Brains; perhaps it was his massive hair and muscles, perhaps it was his humorously wooden delivery (his ‘NO!’ has to be heard to be believed). Most likely it was a combinations of all the above and his delightful tough-guy name which invites itself to so many puns (some ways down the line a host segment will present the menu item ‘Miles O’Beef’). At any rate, his contribution is a major part of what makes this film so enjoyably stupid and it is much appreciated. For his part Mr. O’Keefe apparently had a sense of humor about the whole thing and put in several appearances at Mst3k conventions.
Riffwise this is a very, very strong episode. The guys come out of the gate firing on all cylinders with numerous jokes on the wooden acting, Miles O’Keefe, the awful effects, Miles O’Keefe, the plot holes, Thong, and Miles O’Keefe to name a few. The jokes come thick, fast and hilarious, setting a new standard for the show.
The host segments are likewise amusing, although none of them are classics. The best is probably the first where they reenact the credits. So in summary a combination of good host segments, a hilariously bad movie, and great riffing make for an outstanding opening to the Golden Age of Mst3k.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: Joel and the bots are talking about what names they would pick for themselves (Gypsy: “Mrs. Richard Basehart! Mrs. Richard Basehart!”). Pretty amusing. Joel acts like they’ve been off for a while; a nice way to open the new Season. And for some reason Servo has a fez and they’re all wearing bathrobes.
Invention: Dr. F makes some reference to ‘going through the asteroid belt;’ another nod to the new season. Joel invents the smoking jacket for people who know that smoking is cool but deadly. The Mads invent Robotic Arm-Wrestling. It’s pretty amusing, particularly Joel and the Bots cheering them on, and it features one of the final appearances of the mole people.
As they come in the credits are playing over a half-a-screen; the bottom half is black, the top plays scenes from a completely different movie (This was apparently distributed by the same company that did ‘Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster’).
Servo: “This is in shoebox-format)
Joel (on the credit for Miles O’Keeffe): “How much Keeffe is in this movie anyway?”
Servo: “Miles O’Keeffe.”
(on the ‘director of photography’ credit)
Joel: “Director of the top-half of the photography…”
Joel peaks over the top of the half-screen of the credits!
Cut to some Cave Men.
Servo: “This week on ‘Cave Dwellers’”
Crow (on cave-men eating): “Mmm, Grog tastes good!”
A narrator rambles about ‘savage, early man’ and the ‘few who have been touched by a higher power.’
Cave-Men attack:
Servo: “Playing center-spear, Og!”
Crow: “Playing defensive back-up, Oog!”
Joel: “and that right-hunchback is Org!”
Crow: “Hey, Grog just threw a bone into the air and it turned into a spaceship!”
Crow: “It’s an early version of West-Side Story. ‘Uhn, I just met a girl named Uhn!’”
Cut to a castle.
Servo: “Stately Wayne Manor.”
We meet an old wise man who speaks very…very…slow…ly.
Old Man (to his daughter): “I always wanted you to be wise.”
Servo: “But we’ll settle on looks.”
Old man shows his daughter his discovery…which Servo identifies as a rear-view mirror.
By the way, we never do find out what, exactly this discovery is.
Old Man looks at camera.
Crow: “What do you, the viewers at home think?”
Flashback to Ator’s history (read: previous movie).
Crow: “This is the part of the film we like to call ‘she had to ask.’”
Old Man: “Riba…”
Crow: “Son of Frogmar, keeper of the Seven Keys of Fintuzler…”
Crow: “Jeeze, Tolkien couldn’t follow this plot!”
Ator fakily cuts a zombie’s head off.
Servo: “Ooh, how graphic!”
Ator pushes a gong on a bad guy.
Servo: “Ooh, he’s been gonged.”
Crow: “He’d never killed that big a puppet before.”
Ator: “That exercise works. I can feel it here…”
Crow: “Wait, where’s my shirt?”
End flashback.
Daughter: “Father, tell me…”
Servo: “Again?”
All: “NO!”
Girl is sent off to find Ator…
Crow: “Music by the Super Mario Brothers.”
Hilarious bit where a guy leading a bunch of horseman randomly calls ‘Follow me!’ then spends a few seconds orientating his horse.
Anyway, bad guys attack the castle.
Old Guy: “When you seem to have reached the ends of the Earth…”
Crow: “Ask for Earl.”
Bad guys rough up old guy, knocking over a shelf.
Joel: “That’s my spice rack!”
The bad guy wears a swan helmet! A swan helmet!
Pause-filled conversation between bad guy and old guy.
Bad guy laughs evilly.
Joel: “Ha ha! Oh, observational humor.”
First Host Segment: Joel and the Bots do a more lucid version of the credits. It’s pretty amusing, especially the credits they provide. ‘Tom Servo as that really dull old guy.’ ‘Continuity by ‘.
Come back to find the girl in a fight with some bad-guys…she gets shot in the chest with an arrow.
Servo: “You idiot, we don’t even have a doe license.”
Joel: “Why is she limping?”
Crow: “She’s got an arrow in her chest.”
(old guy and bad guy climb stairs)
Crow: “Use the hand-rails. I invented them for a reason.”
(Ator holds up a HUGE sword)
Joel: “Made this in shop-class; it’s a letter opener.”
(quick and random cut to an owl and back)
Crow: “Hey did you just turn into an owl and then back real fast?”
And girl comes sliding in (apparently she walked to the ends of the Earth with an arrow in her chest).
Crow: “Look out, it’s wet there, I just mopped.”
And Ator provides some rather goofy first aid.
Servo:”Hey, he’s washing with lava.”
Crow: “The soap?”
Servo: ”No, the real thing.”
Servo: “I could be wrong but this arrow may have something to do with it.”
Cut back to evil guy and old guy.
Bad guy is reading a scroll.
Servo: “Wait a minute…this is the Magna Carta!”
Back to Ator etc.
Ator is writing something, leading to a great gag where Servo acts like he’s writing down the dialogue (“How many ‘A’s in ‘danger’?)
Servo: “What do you think he’s writing?”
Crow: “The script?”
Ator: “First you must prove to us that you are the daughter of the Great One.”
Crow: “If you can look bored and speak haltingly, you’re in!”
And they provide a stupid test for her; they lock her in a cell and challenge her to get out.
Servo: “What would MacGyver do?”
And she gets out by blowing up the cell.
Servo: “I suppose she could’ve tried the lock.”
Crow: “You owe me fifty-bucks for the door.”
Bad guys
Bad Guy: “Let me introduce you to Sandor.”
Crow: “You can call me Sandy.”
Old guy does another long, dull speech.
Long pause:
Crow (whispering): “Say something! Line!”
Servo (same): “Come on, fake it!”
Sandor casts some magic and we cut to Ator and co. walking through some fog.
Servo: “We’re getting close to Ridley Scott now.”
And Ator and his sidekick lose the girl.
Servo: “After exhausting every possibility, the men move on.”
They’re attacked by ‘invisible’ attackers (Read: They mime getting hit and make complete fools of themselves).
Joel: “I don’t believe it they were too cheap to hire villains in this thing!”
Servo: “So, let’s recap the action so far.”
Joel: “Uh, nothing really.”
Servo: “Uh, you’re right. Let’s move on.”
And Ator and his sidekick, Thong (seriously, that’s his name), defeat the ‘invisible attackers’ by throwing their capes onto them.
Crow: “Ah! Now they’re scarier!”
(As they move on)
Joel: “Don’t they want their capes?”
Crow: “No, they’d have invisible blood on them.”
And the girl is attacked by some cave dwellers and captured (she’s a girl, you see).
Crow: “These must be the Cave Dwellers!”
Servo: “That’s right, thirty-five minutes into the film and we’re finally at the first plot point.”
As are three bad guys randomly wandering around the same cave (leading to very funny ‘Three-Stooges’ style gag from the guys).
(on the cave-dweller’s random muttering)
Crow: “Ojibiwa! Wait minute, I invented a word!”
(On the cave chief)
Joel: “I am a noble savage.”
Joel: “Tuesdays are human sacrifice day at the sizzler.”
(cave dweller rips out a guy’s heart)
Servo: “I think Tony Bennet left that in San Francisco.”
(Cave dweller chief eats heart)
Servo: “I want a Barney Clark Bar.”
(as Ator approaches the cave where all this heart-eating is taking place)
Crow: “*sniff* Mmmm, something smells good!”
And now they go to do the same to the girl and Ator just…kinda sits there.
(on Ator’s inactivity).
Joel: “I’ve got a wonderful Grinchy idea!”
Second Host Segment: The fancy, fantasy names given to the ordinary props. It’s pretty quietly amusing.
And Thong is randomly wandering around the cave while Ator and girl do likewise.
Joel (as Thong scratches something on the cave wall): “For a good time call Thong…”
Joel: “By the stubbing of my thumb, something stupid this way comes.”
Cut to bad guy admonishing Sandor.
Servo: “Bad country singer! Bad Willie!”
(Sandor looks a bit like Willie Nelson, see)
Bad guy: “Flog him!”
Crow: “Thank you sir!”
(as Sandor is carried off to prison)
Servo: “Okay, I’ll do linking rings. I’ll do ball-in-a-cup. I’ll do metamorphosis! Wait! Wait!”
And back to Ator etc, now running through a wood.
Girl: “I sense the presence of something evil.”
Crow: “That’s you.”
Ator: “Ever since we left the cave, I’ve had the feeling we’re being followed.”
Joel (as Thong): “Uh, that’s me boss, I’m right behind you.”
And three samurai just kind of show up.
Servo: “Oh, no, they’ve jumped into a Kurosawa film!”
Crow: “So it’ll start making sense?”
(low angle shot of Ator)
Joel: “I’m HUGE!”
And a lamely choreographed fight scene ensues.
Servo: “You know, the reason this scene is so good is that we care about the characters.”
Crow: “We do. I mean, we do?”
Servo: “We really do.”
And they kill the samurai, and we cut to the Bad Guy.
Bad Guy (after another pause-filled statement): “What do you say to that?”
Crow: “I say…YOU COULD DRIVE A MACK TRUCK THROUGH YOUR CUES! TEMPO! TEMPO! PICK IT UP!”
Bad Guy (to old guy): “You’re wonderful.”
Crow: “Marry me.”
And back to Ator etc. Thong is fishing while Ator cooks and the girl…just kind of wanders.
Girl: “Do you think my father’s still alive?”
Servo: “Oh, sure. *snort*”
And now it’s night and Thong captures some random people.
Ator: “What do you want?”
Servo: “Hey, look, you captured us!”
And the prisoners tell a tale of woe.
Ator: “The huns have always demanded the blood of man.”
Crow: “Yeah, they’re funny that way.”
Cut to random village, where they’re taking volunteers to be sacrificed to the bad guys.
(scrawny guy steps forward)
Joel: “Uh, you, never mind.”
Ator shows up.
Joel: “It’s speedy-delivery guy and has he got a package!”
Joel: “Who is this gentle stranger with pecs like melons and knees of fringe?”
Ator: “Where is Ravany?”
Village Leader: “Ravany has left us.”
Crow: “Because he had nothing to do with the film.”
Ator: “He was a proud, courageous man.”
Servo: “But dumber than a bag of hammers.”
Ator: “You must not lose heart.”
Crow: “Or some guy will eat it.”
And Ator starts shouting plans without anyone agreeing to help. He just walks up the line and orders them to fight.
Bearded Village-Guy: “I want to fight.”
Crow: “For my right to party!”
And the village leader gives Ator some wine, which, being an idiot, he drinks without question.
Crow: “Drink it all. Sometimes the poison’s on the bottom.”
Crow (evilly): “Are you done with your, heheheh, drink?”
(Low angle shot of Ator falling over)
Crow: “Timber!”
(on a shot of Thong after Ator faints)
Joel: “Alright, now we call this film the ‘Thong Dwellers’!”
More random bad guys show up.
Crow: “I think it’s the Kurds.”
Servo: “And Whey?”
Crow: “Yes, Whey.”
And the bad guys kill everyone and raise the village.
Ator gives a big ‘No!’ that has to be heard to be believed.
As Ator and the girl are distressed by the fire.
Servo: “Uh, this is just a wild idea, but how about moving to the other side of the pole where the fire isn’t?”
And abrupt cut to the headquarters of these new bad guys (look, don’t ask, just go with it)
(cut to a sharp-dressed bad-guy)
Crow: “I’m the best-looking man in the middle ages! My, my, my!”
And the main bad guy shows up with some gold and a few girls to be sacrificed.
Girl: “It would be less repugnant to be strangled by a thousand serpents than to have to endure your smile.”
Joel: “I see. What does repugnant mean? Ah, no matter.”
Crow (as bad guy turns to Ator): “You don’t think I’m repugnant, do you?”
(Bad guy pokes one of Ator’s pecs.)
Servo: “Ding….dong!”
Bad guy leaves and secondary bad guys start sacrificing girls…
Servo: “Wait a minute, folks, we have snakes growling here.”
Servo: “Oh, look, anal retentive snakes; they lined up the skulls.”
And Thong cuts Ator loose and another lame fight scene breaks out. (including a funny bit where one of the bad guys visibly struggles to get his sword out of its scabbard)
Third host segment: Joel explains about foley artists (sound-effects creation). It’s pretty amusing, especially the ‘handy Hollywood Meat-sticks.’ And the box full of hamsters (just add milk).
Back to the movie, Ator fights a big rubber snake puppet.
Joel: “It’s the mother-loving pigeon of all sock-puppets.”
(Girl just sits there and screams)
Servo: “Uh, you know, you can jump in here any time…”
Servo: “Just cut the wires Ator!”
And after that completely pointless tangent, they arrive at the old-guy’s castle.
Servo thunks his head against Ator’s chin!
Ator: “We’ll have to fight them.”
Girl: “Just the three of us?”
Crow: “No, just me; you were a big help with the snake.”
Ator: “I’ll keep them busy outside.”
All: “Mwuahahahaha!”
And Ator produces a Hang-glider out of nowhere.
Servo does a funny little ‘Ator flying’ song.
(shot of Ator flying)
Servo: “Gomez! I invented the wheel!”
And he flies over a castle that looks entirely different from the one in the movie.
(when the old guy tells bad guy he taught Ator the ‘theory of flight,’ bad guy hits him)
Crow: “Theory of flight? I’ll teach you the theory of fist!”
Servo: “Well, it looks like heflew into 17th century Bulgaria and that’s Mad Ludwig’s castle there.”
And Ator starts bombing the bad guys (yes, he invented bombs along with the hang-glider)
Crow: “Alright you crummy rats, Henry Kissinger says Merry Christmas!”
(A bomb sends an obvious dummy flying.)
Servo: “My God, they hit Charlie McCarthy!”
Cut from Ator landing in a field to Ator landing on the battlements.
Joel: “and I suppose he’s got a tank in the courtyard now.”
Crow: “Yeah, and it’s made out of coconuts.”
Bad guy starts beating old guy for the macguffin.
Bad Guy (to Ator): “I’m not afraid of you!”
(Ator swings at him)
Servo: “Well, maybe a little.”
And Bad Guy and Ator fight. Ator proves dumb as a post by giving the bad guy his second sword.
Crow: “He’s not much without his hang-glider, is he?”
And then Ator gets the advantage, but Old Guy randomly tells him not to kill Bad Guy so he can be tried by the ancient United Nations, or something.
Joel: “Oh, he’s making that up!”
Servo: “So, what the heck did I hang-glide in here for anyway.”
And Thong kills Bad Guy anyway.
Joel: “Hey, thanks a lot Thong. I’ll visit you in prison, bake you a rice-cake with a saw in it, buddy.”
Ator leaves…
And we cut to nuclear explosion while the narrator says something about the macguffin getting destroyed. Whatever.
Crow: “Well, this is neat, but what the heck does it have to do with the movie?”
And cut to Ator riding a horse.
Joel: “He probably built that horse.”
Servo: “Yeah, out of mud and sticks.”
And there’s a very clear shot of some tire-tracks.
And we cut off into the credits, which are more shots from that completely different movie from the opening credits.
(on the hair styles)
Crow: “No, no, the Mohawk goes the other way; you look like a turkey!”
Final host segment: The errors in the film (Joel pulls a great face and Servo does a great little growl). Servo calls this the worst film they’ve ever shown them. The Mads: “What do you want from us? We’re evil! Evil!”
Stinger: “Thong? The fish is ready.” Yeah, that’s an odd moment, but in the film this good, I’d have gone for Ator’s ‘No!’ or something.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Mad Monster
5. Lost Continent
6. First Spaceship to Venus
7. Rocketship XM
8. Moon Zero Two
9. Godzilla vs. Megalon
10. The Crawling Hand
11. Catalina Caper
12. King Dinosaur
13. Jungle Goddess
14. Wild Rebels
15. The Corpse Vanishes
16. Ring of Terror
17. Untamed Youth
18. The Slime People
19. Project Moonbase
20. The Sidehackers
21. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
22. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
23. Cave Dwellers
24. Hellcats
25. Rocket Attack USA
26. Robot Holocaust
27. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Really bad, but goofy movie with some excellent riffing and amusing host segments makes for a very strong episode to open a new era with.
Final Rating: 9/10.
Anyway, Cave Dwellers. Ah, Cave Dwellers! Another genuine milestone in the history of Mst3k! This episode begins the Golden Age of Mystery Science Theater 3000; a period from the beginning of the Third Season to the end of the Sixth which represents the canon, the essence, the ‘pure’ Mst3k. This marks the point where they really hit their stride.
This pivotal episode features a movie which will become famous in the annals of Mst3k. ‘Cave Dwellers’ tells the story of Ator(Miles O’Keefe); the massive-haired, giant-pecced hero of the oppressed of generically-barbaric history. Ator gets called upon by the daughter of a dreadfully dull old-man, who is a generic wise-man/ancient scientist. He’s discovered something called the ‘Geometric Nucleus’ which does something. We never find out what, but it’s enough for a genericbad-guy (notice a pattern here?) to attack the old-guy and try to steal it. The daughter runs off to find Ator, and, along with Ator’s sidekick, Thong (who is the most likeable character in the movie due to the fact that he never speaks), wander back to the old-guy’s castle, having pointless and time-wasting adventures along the way. Finally, they make it back and Ator bombs the castle from the air (seriously), kills the bad guy, and destroys the nucleus.
The film is bristling with stupidity and errors. Early on, the girl is told Ator lives at ‘The Ends of the Earth,’ which she apparently reaches within a few hours with an *arrow in her chest*. On the way back, though, it takes several days and numerous obstacles to get back. I guess she took the short-cut on the way there. Meanwhile, random bad-guys show up for a couple scenes and disappear, velvety monsters are fought, and awkwardly choreographed sword fights ensue whenever the filmmakers remembered they were making a barbarian movie, while the film abounds in continuity errors, ridiculous dialogue, plot holes, and all sorts of fodder for Joel and the bots to get their teeth into.
Miles O’Keefe is one of those actors who seem to have made an indefinable impression on the Brains; perhaps it was his massive hair and muscles, perhaps it was his humorously wooden delivery (his ‘NO!’ has to be heard to be believed). Most likely it was a combinations of all the above and his delightful tough-guy name which invites itself to so many puns (some ways down the line a host segment will present the menu item ‘Miles O’Beef’). At any rate, his contribution is a major part of what makes this film so enjoyably stupid and it is much appreciated. For his part Mr. O’Keefe apparently had a sense of humor about the whole thing and put in several appearances at Mst3k conventions.
Riffwise this is a very, very strong episode. The guys come out of the gate firing on all cylinders with numerous jokes on the wooden acting, Miles O’Keefe, the awful effects, Miles O’Keefe, the plot holes, Thong, and Miles O’Keefe to name a few. The jokes come thick, fast and hilarious, setting a new standard for the show.
The host segments are likewise amusing, although none of them are classics. The best is probably the first where they reenact the credits. So in summary a combination of good host segments, a hilariously bad movie, and great riffing make for an outstanding opening to the Golden Age of Mst3k.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: Joel and the bots are talking about what names they would pick for themselves (Gypsy: “Mrs. Richard Basehart! Mrs. Richard Basehart!”). Pretty amusing. Joel acts like they’ve been off for a while; a nice way to open the new Season. And for some reason Servo has a fez and they’re all wearing bathrobes.
Invention: Dr. F makes some reference to ‘going through the asteroid belt;’ another nod to the new season. Joel invents the smoking jacket for people who know that smoking is cool but deadly. The Mads invent Robotic Arm-Wrestling. It’s pretty amusing, particularly Joel and the Bots cheering them on, and it features one of the final appearances of the mole people.
As they come in the credits are playing over a half-a-screen; the bottom half is black, the top plays scenes from a completely different movie (This was apparently distributed by the same company that did ‘Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster’).
Servo: “This is in shoebox-format)
Joel (on the credit for Miles O’Keeffe): “How much Keeffe is in this movie anyway?”
Servo: “Miles O’Keeffe.”
(on the ‘director of photography’ credit)
Joel: “Director of the top-half of the photography…”
Joel peaks over the top of the half-screen of the credits!
Cut to some Cave Men.
Servo: “This week on ‘Cave Dwellers’”
Crow (on cave-men eating): “Mmm, Grog tastes good!”
A narrator rambles about ‘savage, early man’ and the ‘few who have been touched by a higher power.’
Cave-Men attack:
Servo: “Playing center-spear, Og!”
Crow: “Playing defensive back-up, Oog!”
Joel: “and that right-hunchback is Org!”
Crow: “Hey, Grog just threw a bone into the air and it turned into a spaceship!”
Crow: “It’s an early version of West-Side Story. ‘Uhn, I just met a girl named Uhn!’”
Cut to a castle.
Servo: “Stately Wayne Manor.”
We meet an old wise man who speaks very…very…slow…ly.
Old Man (to his daughter): “I always wanted you to be wise.”
Servo: “But we’ll settle on looks.”
Old man shows his daughter his discovery…which Servo identifies as a rear-view mirror.
By the way, we never do find out what, exactly this discovery is.
Old Man looks at camera.
Crow: “What do you, the viewers at home think?”
Flashback to Ator’s history (read: previous movie).
Crow: “This is the part of the film we like to call ‘she had to ask.’”
Old Man: “Riba…”
Crow: “Son of Frogmar, keeper of the Seven Keys of Fintuzler…”
Crow: “Jeeze, Tolkien couldn’t follow this plot!”
Ator fakily cuts a zombie’s head off.
Servo: “Ooh, how graphic!”
Ator pushes a gong on a bad guy.
Servo: “Ooh, he’s been gonged.”
Crow: “He’d never killed that big a puppet before.”
Ator: “That exercise works. I can feel it here…”
Crow: “Wait, where’s my shirt?”
End flashback.
Daughter: “Father, tell me…”
Servo: “Again?”
All: “NO!”
Girl is sent off to find Ator…
Crow: “Music by the Super Mario Brothers.”
Hilarious bit where a guy leading a bunch of horseman randomly calls ‘Follow me!’ then spends a few seconds orientating his horse.
Anyway, bad guys attack the castle.
Old Guy: “When you seem to have reached the ends of the Earth…”
Crow: “Ask for Earl.”
Bad guys rough up old guy, knocking over a shelf.
Joel: “That’s my spice rack!”
The bad guy wears a swan helmet! A swan helmet!
Pause-filled conversation between bad guy and old guy.
Bad guy laughs evilly.
Joel: “Ha ha! Oh, observational humor.”
First Host Segment: Joel and the Bots do a more lucid version of the credits. It’s pretty amusing, especially the credits they provide. ‘Tom Servo as that really dull old guy.’ ‘Continuity by ‘.
Come back to find the girl in a fight with some bad-guys…she gets shot in the chest with an arrow.
Servo: “You idiot, we don’t even have a doe license.”
Joel: “Why is she limping?”
Crow: “She’s got an arrow in her chest.”
(old guy and bad guy climb stairs)
Crow: “Use the hand-rails. I invented them for a reason.”
(Ator holds up a HUGE sword)
Joel: “Made this in shop-class; it’s a letter opener.”
(quick and random cut to an owl and back)
Crow: “Hey did you just turn into an owl and then back real fast?”
And girl comes sliding in (apparently she walked to the ends of the Earth with an arrow in her chest).
Crow: “Look out, it’s wet there, I just mopped.”
And Ator provides some rather goofy first aid.
Servo:”Hey, he’s washing with lava.”
Crow: “The soap?”
Servo: ”No, the real thing.”
Servo: “I could be wrong but this arrow may have something to do with it.”
Cut back to evil guy and old guy.
Bad guy is reading a scroll.
Servo: “Wait a minute…this is the Magna Carta!”
Back to Ator etc.
Ator is writing something, leading to a great gag where Servo acts like he’s writing down the dialogue (“How many ‘A’s in ‘danger’?)
Servo: “What do you think he’s writing?”
Crow: “The script?”
Ator: “First you must prove to us that you are the daughter of the Great One.”
Crow: “If you can look bored and speak haltingly, you’re in!”
And they provide a stupid test for her; they lock her in a cell and challenge her to get out.
Servo: “What would MacGyver do?”
And she gets out by blowing up the cell.
Servo: “I suppose she could’ve tried the lock.”
Crow: “You owe me fifty-bucks for the door.”
Bad guys
Bad Guy: “Let me introduce you to Sandor.”
Crow: “You can call me Sandy.”
Old guy does another long, dull speech.
Long pause:
Crow (whispering): “Say something! Line!”
Servo (same): “Come on, fake it!”
Sandor casts some magic and we cut to Ator and co. walking through some fog.
Servo: “We’re getting close to Ridley Scott now.”
And Ator and his sidekick lose the girl.
Servo: “After exhausting every possibility, the men move on.”
They’re attacked by ‘invisible’ attackers (Read: They mime getting hit and make complete fools of themselves).
Joel: “I don’t believe it they were too cheap to hire villains in this thing!”
Servo: “So, let’s recap the action so far.”
Joel: “Uh, nothing really.”
Servo: “Uh, you’re right. Let’s move on.”
And Ator and his sidekick, Thong (seriously, that’s his name), defeat the ‘invisible attackers’ by throwing their capes onto them.
Crow: “Ah! Now they’re scarier!”
(As they move on)
Joel: “Don’t they want their capes?”
Crow: “No, they’d have invisible blood on them.”
And the girl is attacked by some cave dwellers and captured (she’s a girl, you see).
Crow: “These must be the Cave Dwellers!”
Servo: “That’s right, thirty-five minutes into the film and we’re finally at the first plot point.”
As are three bad guys randomly wandering around the same cave (leading to very funny ‘Three-Stooges’ style gag from the guys).
(on the cave-dweller’s random muttering)
Crow: “Ojibiwa! Wait minute, I invented a word!”
(On the cave chief)
Joel: “I am a noble savage.”
Joel: “Tuesdays are human sacrifice day at the sizzler.”
(cave dweller rips out a guy’s heart)
Servo: “I think Tony Bennet left that in San Francisco.”
(Cave dweller chief eats heart)
Servo: “I want a Barney Clark Bar.”
(as Ator approaches the cave where all this heart-eating is taking place)
Crow: “*sniff* Mmmm, something smells good!”
And now they go to do the same to the girl and Ator just…kinda sits there.
(on Ator’s inactivity).
Joel: “I’ve got a wonderful Grinchy idea!”
Second Host Segment: The fancy, fantasy names given to the ordinary props. It’s pretty quietly amusing.
And Thong is randomly wandering around the cave while Ator and girl do likewise.
Joel (as Thong scratches something on the cave wall): “For a good time call Thong…”
Joel: “By the stubbing of my thumb, something stupid this way comes.”
Cut to bad guy admonishing Sandor.
Servo: “Bad country singer! Bad Willie!”
(Sandor looks a bit like Willie Nelson, see)
Bad guy: “Flog him!”
Crow: “Thank you sir!”
(as Sandor is carried off to prison)
Servo: “Okay, I’ll do linking rings. I’ll do ball-in-a-cup. I’ll do metamorphosis! Wait! Wait!”
And back to Ator etc, now running through a wood.
Girl: “I sense the presence of something evil.”
Crow: “That’s you.”
Ator: “Ever since we left the cave, I’ve had the feeling we’re being followed.”
Joel (as Thong): “Uh, that’s me boss, I’m right behind you.”
And three samurai just kind of show up.
Servo: “Oh, no, they’ve jumped into a Kurosawa film!”
Crow: “So it’ll start making sense?”
(low angle shot of Ator)
Joel: “I’m HUGE!”
And a lamely choreographed fight scene ensues.
Servo: “You know, the reason this scene is so good is that we care about the characters.”
Crow: “We do. I mean, we do?”
Servo: “We really do.”
And they kill the samurai, and we cut to the Bad Guy.
Bad Guy (after another pause-filled statement): “What do you say to that?”
Crow: “I say…YOU COULD DRIVE A MACK TRUCK THROUGH YOUR CUES! TEMPO! TEMPO! PICK IT UP!”
Bad Guy (to old guy): “You’re wonderful.”
Crow: “Marry me.”
And back to Ator etc. Thong is fishing while Ator cooks and the girl…just kind of wanders.
Girl: “Do you think my father’s still alive?”
Servo: “Oh, sure. *snort*”
And now it’s night and Thong captures some random people.
Ator: “What do you want?”
Servo: “Hey, look, you captured us!”
And the prisoners tell a tale of woe.
Ator: “The huns have always demanded the blood of man.”
Crow: “Yeah, they’re funny that way.”
Cut to random village, where they’re taking volunteers to be sacrificed to the bad guys.
(scrawny guy steps forward)
Joel: “Uh, you, never mind.”
Ator shows up.
Joel: “It’s speedy-delivery guy and has he got a package!”
Joel: “Who is this gentle stranger with pecs like melons and knees of fringe?”
Ator: “Where is Ravany?”
Village Leader: “Ravany has left us.”
Crow: “Because he had nothing to do with the film.”
Ator: “He was a proud, courageous man.”
Servo: “But dumber than a bag of hammers.”
Ator: “You must not lose heart.”
Crow: “Or some guy will eat it.”
And Ator starts shouting plans without anyone agreeing to help. He just walks up the line and orders them to fight.
Bearded Village-Guy: “I want to fight.”
Crow: “For my right to party!”
And the village leader gives Ator some wine, which, being an idiot, he drinks without question.
Crow: “Drink it all. Sometimes the poison’s on the bottom.”
Crow (evilly): “Are you done with your, heheheh, drink?”
(Low angle shot of Ator falling over)
Crow: “Timber!”
(on a shot of Thong after Ator faints)
Joel: “Alright, now we call this film the ‘Thong Dwellers’!”
More random bad guys show up.
Crow: “I think it’s the Kurds.”
Servo: “And Whey?”
Crow: “Yes, Whey.”
And the bad guys kill everyone and raise the village.
Ator gives a big ‘No!’ that has to be heard to be believed.
As Ator and the girl are distressed by the fire.
Servo: “Uh, this is just a wild idea, but how about moving to the other side of the pole where the fire isn’t?”
And abrupt cut to the headquarters of these new bad guys (look, don’t ask, just go with it)
(cut to a sharp-dressed bad-guy)
Crow: “I’m the best-looking man in the middle ages! My, my, my!”
And the main bad guy shows up with some gold and a few girls to be sacrificed.
Girl: “It would be less repugnant to be strangled by a thousand serpents than to have to endure your smile.”
Joel: “I see. What does repugnant mean? Ah, no matter.”
Crow (as bad guy turns to Ator): “You don’t think I’m repugnant, do you?”
(Bad guy pokes one of Ator’s pecs.)
Servo: “Ding….dong!”
Bad guy leaves and secondary bad guys start sacrificing girls…
Servo: “Wait a minute, folks, we have snakes growling here.”
Servo: “Oh, look, anal retentive snakes; they lined up the skulls.”
And Thong cuts Ator loose and another lame fight scene breaks out. (including a funny bit where one of the bad guys visibly struggles to get his sword out of its scabbard)
Third host segment: Joel explains about foley artists (sound-effects creation). It’s pretty amusing, especially the ‘handy Hollywood Meat-sticks.’ And the box full of hamsters (just add milk).
Back to the movie, Ator fights a big rubber snake puppet.
Joel: “It’s the mother-loving pigeon of all sock-puppets.”
(Girl just sits there and screams)
Servo: “Uh, you know, you can jump in here any time…”
Servo: “Just cut the wires Ator!”
And after that completely pointless tangent, they arrive at the old-guy’s castle.
Servo thunks his head against Ator’s chin!
Ator: “We’ll have to fight them.”
Girl: “Just the three of us?”
Crow: “No, just me; you were a big help with the snake.”
Ator: “I’ll keep them busy outside.”
All: “Mwuahahahaha!”
And Ator produces a Hang-glider out of nowhere.
Servo does a funny little ‘Ator flying’ song.
(shot of Ator flying)
Servo: “Gomez! I invented the wheel!”
And he flies over a castle that looks entirely different from the one in the movie.
(when the old guy tells bad guy he taught Ator the ‘theory of flight,’ bad guy hits him)
Crow: “Theory of flight? I’ll teach you the theory of fist!”
Servo: “Well, it looks like heflew into 17th century Bulgaria and that’s Mad Ludwig’s castle there.”
And Ator starts bombing the bad guys (yes, he invented bombs along with the hang-glider)
Crow: “Alright you crummy rats, Henry Kissinger says Merry Christmas!”
(A bomb sends an obvious dummy flying.)
Servo: “My God, they hit Charlie McCarthy!”
Cut from Ator landing in a field to Ator landing on the battlements.
Joel: “and I suppose he’s got a tank in the courtyard now.”
Crow: “Yeah, and it’s made out of coconuts.”
Bad guy starts beating old guy for the macguffin.
Bad Guy (to Ator): “I’m not afraid of you!”
(Ator swings at him)
Servo: “Well, maybe a little.”
And Bad Guy and Ator fight. Ator proves dumb as a post by giving the bad guy his second sword.
Crow: “He’s not much without his hang-glider, is he?”
And then Ator gets the advantage, but Old Guy randomly tells him not to kill Bad Guy so he can be tried by the ancient United Nations, or something.
Joel: “Oh, he’s making that up!”
Servo: “So, what the heck did I hang-glide in here for anyway.”
And Thong kills Bad Guy anyway.
Joel: “Hey, thanks a lot Thong. I’ll visit you in prison, bake you a rice-cake with a saw in it, buddy.”
Ator leaves…
And we cut to nuclear explosion while the narrator says something about the macguffin getting destroyed. Whatever.
Crow: “Well, this is neat, but what the heck does it have to do with the movie?”
And cut to Ator riding a horse.
Joel: “He probably built that horse.”
Servo: “Yeah, out of mud and sticks.”
And there’s a very clear shot of some tire-tracks.
And we cut off into the credits, which are more shots from that completely different movie from the opening credits.
(on the hair styles)
Crow: “No, no, the Mohawk goes the other way; you look like a turkey!”
Final host segment: The errors in the film (Joel pulls a great face and Servo does a great little growl). Servo calls this the worst film they’ve ever shown them. The Mads: “What do you want from us? We’re evil! Evil!”
Stinger: “Thong? The fish is ready.” Yeah, that’s an odd moment, but in the film this good, I’d have gone for Ator’s ‘No!’ or something.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Mad Monster
5. Lost Continent
6. First Spaceship to Venus
7. Rocketship XM
8. Moon Zero Two
9. Godzilla vs. Megalon
10. The Crawling Hand
11. Catalina Caper
12. King Dinosaur
13. Jungle Goddess
14. Wild Rebels
15. The Corpse Vanishes
16. Ring of Terror
17. Untamed Youth
18. The Slime People
19. Project Moonbase
20. The Sidehackers
21. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
22. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
23. Cave Dwellers
24. Hellcats
25. Rocket Attack USA
26. Robot Holocaust
27. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Really bad, but goofy movie with some excellent riffing and amusing host segments makes for a very strong episode to open a new era with.
Final Rating: 9/10.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Nightmares and Evil
A Nightmare on Elm Street is a film many people would approach with a deal of trepidation, if not outright hostility. This is certainly understandable, given both the era from which it hails and the seemingly endless string of increasingly dumb and trashy sequels it spawned. However, those who do venture to watch it may find a surprisingly intelligent and even principled horror film.
This is not to say it doesn’t contain the elements one would expect; blood, gore, profanity, and partial nudity are all present, though in the latter two cases not as much as one might expect. Despite this, though, the film is far from just being another trashy Slasher flick.
A note: I am basing my observations of the film on the original, director-intended ending and ignoring the ‘shock’ ending of the film as it stands. I do this in view of both the director’s intention and the clear thematic course of the film as a whole.
The story is probably familiar to most people; child murderer Freddy Krueger is burned to death by the parents of his victims only to return years later to stalk the dreams of the remaining children. The movie is very well structured, entertaining, cleverly written, and chillingly effective. It is the film’s interpretation of evil, however, that makes it really interesting. Unlike the later films in the series, there is no glorification of evil here; Krueger is utterly loathsome and not the least bit amusing while his victims (including a shockingly young Johnny Depp in his first role) are all likable and sympathetic, especially the heroine, Nancy.
Evil here is portrayed as a seemingly unstoppable force; no matter what the characters try to counter it, everything fails. They can’t escape Krueger either by running or staying awake forever, he’s too powerful for them to fight, and no one can protect them from him. Even after they get him out of the dream world and attack him when he’s vulnerable, he still won’t stay down. Religious protection; a prayer, a crucifix, seem ineffective (emphasis on seem…).
But the film ends with a rousing assurance of the ultimate impotence of evil. In the end it’s revealed that not only is Freddy not as powerful as he seems, but that he is, in fact, utterly powerless. He only has the power his victims give him by believing him to be real and dangerous. Once that power is gone, not only is Freddy destroyed, but all his evil is erased; he never existed any more than any other dream.
And that is the nature of evil, particularly the evil inside each of us; our sins and temptations. At times they may seem like an unstoppable, overwhelming force, but they are, in fact, nothing. They only have the power we allow them to have and cannot exist for a moment without that power. In the end the best way to overcome our sins is not to run from them, for they will chase us wherever we go, nor to try to fight them head on, for they will very likely win and even if they don’t they will always come back. Rather, it is simply to turn our back on them and deprive them of their power. In the end the best thing we can do when confronted by evil often is to tell it the same thing Nancy tells Freddy; “You’re Nothing.” (adding “You’re Shit” is optional)
This is not to say it doesn’t contain the elements one would expect; blood, gore, profanity, and partial nudity are all present, though in the latter two cases not as much as one might expect. Despite this, though, the film is far from just being another trashy Slasher flick.
A note: I am basing my observations of the film on the original, director-intended ending and ignoring the ‘shock’ ending of the film as it stands. I do this in view of both the director’s intention and the clear thematic course of the film as a whole.
The story is probably familiar to most people; child murderer Freddy Krueger is burned to death by the parents of his victims only to return years later to stalk the dreams of the remaining children. The movie is very well structured, entertaining, cleverly written, and chillingly effective. It is the film’s interpretation of evil, however, that makes it really interesting. Unlike the later films in the series, there is no glorification of evil here; Krueger is utterly loathsome and not the least bit amusing while his victims (including a shockingly young Johnny Depp in his first role) are all likable and sympathetic, especially the heroine, Nancy.
Evil here is portrayed as a seemingly unstoppable force; no matter what the characters try to counter it, everything fails. They can’t escape Krueger either by running or staying awake forever, he’s too powerful for them to fight, and no one can protect them from him. Even after they get him out of the dream world and attack him when he’s vulnerable, he still won’t stay down. Religious protection; a prayer, a crucifix, seem ineffective (emphasis on seem…).
But the film ends with a rousing assurance of the ultimate impotence of evil. In the end it’s revealed that not only is Freddy not as powerful as he seems, but that he is, in fact, utterly powerless. He only has the power his victims give him by believing him to be real and dangerous. Once that power is gone, not only is Freddy destroyed, but all his evil is erased; he never existed any more than any other dream.
And that is the nature of evil, particularly the evil inside each of us; our sins and temptations. At times they may seem like an unstoppable, overwhelming force, but they are, in fact, nothing. They only have the power we allow them to have and cannot exist for a moment without that power. In the end the best way to overcome our sins is not to run from them, for they will chase us wherever we go, nor to try to fight them head on, for they will very likely win and even if they don’t they will always come back. Rather, it is simply to turn our back on them and deprive them of their power. In the end the best thing we can do when confronted by evil often is to tell it the same thing Nancy tells Freddy; “You’re Nothing.” (adding “You’re Shit” is optional)
Friday, November 27, 2009
Mst3k – 212: Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
Sorry for the long delay; a combination of trying to find the episode, being really busy, and general laziness is to blame.
Another Godzilla movie! Unfortunately, we immediately hit a few problems with this episode. In the first place, this is actually a pretty good movie; considering the number of truly awful Godzilla movies there are it’s rather puzzling that this is one of the two they decided to do…surely Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster would have been far more appropriate? At any rate, “vs. Sea Monster” is a fresh, frequently clever film that shows what the series looked like before it became wedded to formula. Rather than having a monster show up, wreck havoc, and then be defeated by Godzilla, this film sets up a series of problems for its heroes and forces them to figure out how to solve them. For instance, they are trapped on an island run by a terrorist group called the ‘Red Bamboo,’ which is making nuclear weapons and guarded by a sea monster. Then discovering that the island happens to have Godzilla sleeping in a cave, they take the logical step and rig up an impromptu lightning rod and wake him up. Godzilla then does what he does best, fights the sea monster, smashes the base, and creates general havoc. The story is fast-paced and filled with clever invention as the characters improvise ways to fight the Red Bamboo (my favorite is the foresight they had in solidifying the famous ‘walking-bush’ trick by simply carrying a bird with them), and it’s a good example of taking a world of established rules and playing with it.
The episode, particularly coming after last week’s brilliant ‘Vs. Megalon,’ is a bit of a disappointment. The riffing is still funny, though not up to ‘Megalon’s’ level, and it has some great host segments, but it’s marred by a rare example of ‘cheating.’ It’s generally a rule that the Brains can’t mock a film for something that results from their own treatment of it. In this case, they have a running gag of wondering what the name of the movie is, since Joel and the Bots inexplicably don’t come in until about a minute into the movie and miss the opening titles. This is not only not fair to the film, but it’s a joke the audience doesn’t share, since we know what the name of the movie is, and we know that the Brains know as well and are just pretending not to. It’s a rare ‘what the heck were they thinking?’ moment that doesn’t kill the episode, but definitely brings it down.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: Joel reads from “The Velvateen Rabbit.” Sort of. The ‘bots are enraptured. (by the way, Servo has a kind of fez top to his head which he’ll keep for a few episodes).
Invention Exchange: Joel has the mind-control guitar. The Mads have squeeze-toy guitars for dogs who love rock-and-roll. They play their new song; ‘Plastic Man.’ It’s pretty amusing.
Okay, honestly, they cheat here, and pointlessly too. Joel and the bots don’t enter until after the credits, leading to a running gag of wondering what the movie’s name is. This results in about a minute of us watching the movie without them and us not being able to share in the joke, since we, of course, know what the movie’s title is.
Anyway, we open with a storm and a ship being attacked by a giant lobsters.
Joel: “Oh, he’s making them into an oriental salad! The horror!”
Cut to two months later, as the narrator helpfully informs us.
Old woman consults a mystic, who tells her her son is not dead.
(as doubtful guy)
Crow: “He’s dead, live with it, okay?”
Cut to a dance contest…
(blank faced-guy watches contest)
Servo: “I’m digging their scene.”
(on the numbered contestants)
Crow: “Keep moving, forty-one.”
Guy and his friends go look for a boat so he can search for his lost brother.
They trespass on a boat to check it out.
Guy 1: “I wonder what the owner looks like?”
Thief: “I’ll show you what he looks like!”
Servo: “He looks like me, only taller. I’ll go get him.”
Guy 2: “This one here, he’s crazy. Boats are the only thing he thinks about.”
Crow: “Shoot him, now.”
Thief-guy lets them stay on the boat.
(shot of sunrise)
Crow: “Let’s visit God now.
Servo: “Hi, this is God. This film is moving slowly my children.”
And the one guy has taken the boat out to look for his brother.
Thief: “What’s the idea?”
Servo: “Well, the wind catches the sail and…”
We get news about the stolen boat and an earlier robbery (it was done by thief guy of course).
(cut to dinner scene)
Crow: “Mmm, Steve is really delicious!”
Thief (on the skeleton key he’s making): “You’ve got your hobbies and this is one of mine.”
Servo: “You like knitting afghans.”
Thief (laughing): “Do I look like a robber?”
(Servo gives a French ‘oh hohoho!’)
And a storm blows up. (incidentally, this is the same footage from the beginning; spliced in by the American distrubuters).
Joel: “Well, welcome to the “Wrath of God” weekend present by KT.”
The briefcase of money and a game-board fall over and spill into each other.
Joel: “Hey, you got your backgammon in my money!”
Crow: “Well you’ve got your money in my backgammon.”
Joel: “Try to look for an uncharted desert isle!”
(and in the morning they wash up on an island)
Crow: “For once this was a boating accident.”
Joel: “We’re so lucky we washed up on what could be a hostile land with no food, we’re saved!”
The bots panic at the prospect of rock climbing, but it’s a very quick scene.
(at the top)
Servo: “Look, Cesar Romero and Hugh Beaumont?”
And they find a machete and some fruit.
Guy: “I feel like a monkey.”
Crow: “Me too, where can we find one?”
Crow (as they walk through the jungle to music): “We gotta find that rhythm combo.”
And they spot a ship coming and then find a whole harbor and facility guarded by armed men.
(two guards pass each other)
Servo: “Morning Steve,”
Crow: “Morning Phil.”
(eye-patched guy comes in smiling)
Crow: “Smiles everyone, smiles!”
And the ship drops off some slaves.
Servo (upon seeing Kumi Mizuno): “H, E, double-L, O!”
(pretty much standard reaction)
Few slaves try to escape...grab a convenient canoe.
(guards fire wildly while close together)
Crow (as eye-patch guy): “Ah! Not me you idiots!”
Servo: “Good shooting, you killed eight of our own men.”
And would-be escapees get eaten by giant lobster, Ebirah.
Crow (seeing guys impaled on Ebirah’s claw): “Ka-Bob, and Ka-Steve!”
Joel: “I just saw half-a-crab kill a guy.”
Big bad (to eye-patch): “You must be losing your sight!”
Servo: “I don’t think that’s funny sir, but go on.”
Joel: “Salute higher, idiot!”
Girl meets guys, runs off.
Crow: “Wait! I’m a good-guy with a steady future! I want you to see my etchings!”
They join forces.
First Host Segment: Godzilla Genealogy Bop. It’s amusing, even if they insist Godzilla is green, which he is not (he’s dark grey).
Cut to the slaves working and praying to Mothra.
(eye-patch gets their attention by shooting)
Crow: “Oh, couldn’t he just knock?”
Guy: “Don’t make fun of her.”
Crow: “Yeah, that’s our job!”
Cut to Infant Island, where the natives are worshiping Mothra.
Servo: “Rocketing its way to number one, it’s ‘Mothra, you are our god,’ it’s got a great beat and you can worship to it.”
Thief: “I don’t think you’ve ever had the police after you.”
Servo: “Okay, you’ve got bragging rights.”
And they find that Godzilla is sleeping in the cave with them.
That’s the third time Crow did that ‘Planet where apes evolved from men’ bit.
The guys try to sneak into the base using the bush trick to investigate and try to help free the slaves.
(they release a dove as distraction)
Servo: “Oh, a symbol of peace. Kill it!”
Servo: “He’s got a hedge trimmer! Scatter everybody!”
Get in, sneak around…
Crow: “Why are they breaking in?”
Servo: “Life hurts them, so they hurt back.”
Big bad berates scientists.
Scientist: “It’s easy for them to issue orders.”
Crow: “They have everything, I have nothing!”
A lot of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ jokes for some reason…
Guy: “It’s a heavy water factory.”
Guy 2: “What can they do with that?”
Crow: “They could take a heavy bath.”
(suddenly crawl around corner to find a boot).
Servo: “Oh, my God! It’s a boot! And there’s a leg attached to it!”
Eye-Patch: “You weren’t killed I see.”
Servo: “That was my fault.”
Crow: “Pass the bush up, quick!”
They make their escape using some gas canisters.
Joel: “Meanwhile in Lego-Land, kids learn at their own rate, the slow way.”
Brother-guy gets caught on a weather-balloon and floats off towards Infant Island. Another guy just gets captured.
Captured guy makes contact with slaves, who are making a liquid the bad guys use to protect themselves against Ebirah…another scene of worshiping Mothra.
Crow (as Mothra): “That’s pretty good, but do it again, and this time with feeling. And Kasy, I’ll see you later.”
Brother guy lands on Infant Island, meets his brother.
Guards search for them, randomly shooting around.
Crow: “Well, I guess it’s frogs legs and cricket soup for dinner tonight.”
Guys get idea to wake Godzilla up to distract/destroy bad guys.
They improvise a lightning rod to wake Godzilla up.
(pan down the wire)
Crow: “This is the only thread I’ve been able to follow this whole film.”
Captured guy gets the idea to make a phony batch of liquid.
Second Host Segment: Joel’s miniature city. The bots are concerned for his sanity and destroy it. It’s pretty funny. (“I’m Servotron, destroyer of worlds!”)
Brothers canoe from Infant Island back to evil isle.
(on storm clouds)
Crow (deep voice): “I’m not pleased!”
Servo (on the soldiers): “Okay, look for the silver lining, men!”
Crow (same): “I’m still not pleased!”
Crow (same): “Now I’m really ticked!”
Huh, actually I don’t think this scene looks fakey at all.
(as Godzilla starts waking up)
Servo: “Make sure he doesn’t hit the snooze button!”
(Godzilla’s eye opens)
Joel: “This had better be good.”
Brothers are threatened by Ebirah…
Godzilla bursts out of cave…
Crow: “Good morning Godzilla. Your mission, should choose to accept it, save those two Japanese guys.”
Joel (Godzilla sees Ebirah): “You woke me up for THAT?”
Servo (as Ebirah): “Oh, I’ll give you such a pinch!”
Really funny scene where Godzilla and Eibrah batter a boulder back and forth like their playing catch.
Crow: “Run before they make us play outfield!”
And they volley it back and forth a bit…goes too far and hits the base.
Ebirah splashes Godzilla.
Joel: “Oh, now that was low!”
Servo: “Look at Godzilla go! I guess there’s no sea-food lover in him!”
Pretty cool scene where Godzilla gets dragged underwater and they fight.
Crow (as Llloyd Bridges): “I grabbed a rock; and by this time my lungs were aching for air.”
(bushes start shaking)
Crow: “Hey that bush trick doesn’t work around here pal, we invented it!”
(brothers are caught in snares)
Crow: “Oh, how hideous; hung by their feet till their dead!”
Eye-Patch (whipping slaves): “You can work faster! And you there!”
Crow: “…Nice job.”
(soldiers fire wildly)
Servo: “Ow, ow, you shot my other eye you idiots!”
(soldiers chasing girl get scared off by Godzilla)
Joel: “Don’t even mess with my chick!”
Joel (as Godzilla): “Hey were are you going? You owe me babe!”
Girl: “Help me!”
Crow: “Dibs! I got dibs, I said it first!”
Guys arrive and see Godzilla.
Servo: “Woah! Baby you are on your own!”
Joel: “Be careful, we look like corn-cobs to him!”
Giant bird suddenly appears and attacks Godzilla.
Crow: “Hey, what do you think I am, Tippi Hedron? Get out of here!”
And Godzilla blasts it.
Joel: “Oh, now he’s a wonder-roast chicken.”
(bird crashes into the ocean)
Joel: “Thank you for flying Northwest.”
And now jets attack him.
(he smashes a plane)
Servo: “Oh, there goes Tom Cruise.”
(alarm sounds)
All: “It’s not going well. It’s not going well. It’s not going well.”
(Big Bad and Eye-patch look out window)
Crow: “Do you see half of what I see?”
Eye-Patch: “Turn the atomic power on! Destroy him!”
Joel: “Uh, whatever you say, sir, but we’re right at ground-zero…”
Guy: “Where’s my brother?”
Crow: “Oh, will you shut up about your brother!?”
(Godzilla throws a rock at the base)
Servo: “Oh no, he’s learned to use tools! Careful people he’s evolving!”
Cave starts collapsing on slaves under Godzilla’s weight.
Eye-Patch: “Put it on nuclear, it will destroy the base!”
Crow: “Oh, great, what was it on before, defrost?”
Crow: “Ah, here comes the death with dignity committee.”
Scientist: “Stay were you are!”
Servo: “Or I’m going to fill a prescription!”
Third host segment: Crow and Servo play as the Shobijin, then Mothra shows up. It’s pretty funny, even though they voice her as a guy.
Guy: “They’re escaping!”
(Godzilla roars off camera)
Crow: “And they sound funny too.”
And Ebirah smashes the boat with the bad guys on it.
Godzilla and Ebirah fight again, with some amusing trash talking from Crow and Servo.
Joel: “Whenever their underwater it sounds like a James Bond movie.”
So, there’s only ten minutes before the island self-destructs.
And Mothra wakes up.
Crow: “I just talked to Ziegfeld; we open in New Haven in two weeks!”
(as Mothra flies off)
Joel: “Oh I am a jumbo Bumblebee!”
And Godzilla rips Ebirah’s claws off.
Servo (as Ebirah): “Oh, leave me one!”
(he doesn’t)
(Mothra hovers straight down)
Servo: “He’s a harrier-moth”
Shobijin (from on top of Mothra): “She’ll take you; you must get into the net!”
Servo/Crow: “How did we get up here anyway?”
Joel (as Godzilla): “Oh, I’m getting beaten up by a bug, how humiliating!”
And the humans call to Godzilla to get off the island.
Joel: “Let’s see, there’s some beeping and everybody left, I wonder what…oh no!”
And there’s the shot they used for their stinger last week in its proper place.
(as the island blows up)
Servo: “Irwin Allen slept here.”
Really good animated distance shot of Mothra, and we’re done.
Closing: Lines never really said in movies, like “Play it again Sam.” The results of the ‘Cool Thing Contest’ from ‘Lost Continent.’ Some nice pictures. The Mads consider changing their business plan. It’s pretty amusing.
Stinger: Worshiping Mothra. Meh, I would have gone with the giant bird attack.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Mad Monster
5. Lost Continent
6. First Spaceship to Venus
7. Rocketship XM
8. Moon Zero Two
9. Godzilla vs. Megalon
10. The Crawling Hand
11. Catalina Caper
12. King Dinosaur
13. Jungle Goddess
14. Wild Rebels
15. The Corpse Vanishes
16. Ring of Terror
17. Untamed Youth
18. The Slime People
19. Project Moonbase
20. The Sidehackers
21. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
22. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
23. Hellcats
24. Rocket Attack USA
25. Robot Holocaust
26. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Good movie, with pretty funny riffing and decent host segments, but marred by cheating.
Final Rating: 7/10.
Another Godzilla movie! Unfortunately, we immediately hit a few problems with this episode. In the first place, this is actually a pretty good movie; considering the number of truly awful Godzilla movies there are it’s rather puzzling that this is one of the two they decided to do…surely Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster would have been far more appropriate? At any rate, “vs. Sea Monster” is a fresh, frequently clever film that shows what the series looked like before it became wedded to formula. Rather than having a monster show up, wreck havoc, and then be defeated by Godzilla, this film sets up a series of problems for its heroes and forces them to figure out how to solve them. For instance, they are trapped on an island run by a terrorist group called the ‘Red Bamboo,’ which is making nuclear weapons and guarded by a sea monster. Then discovering that the island happens to have Godzilla sleeping in a cave, they take the logical step and rig up an impromptu lightning rod and wake him up. Godzilla then does what he does best, fights the sea monster, smashes the base, and creates general havoc. The story is fast-paced and filled with clever invention as the characters improvise ways to fight the Red Bamboo (my favorite is the foresight they had in solidifying the famous ‘walking-bush’ trick by simply carrying a bird with them), and it’s a good example of taking a world of established rules and playing with it.
The episode, particularly coming after last week’s brilliant ‘Vs. Megalon,’ is a bit of a disappointment. The riffing is still funny, though not up to ‘Megalon’s’ level, and it has some great host segments, but it’s marred by a rare example of ‘cheating.’ It’s generally a rule that the Brains can’t mock a film for something that results from their own treatment of it. In this case, they have a running gag of wondering what the name of the movie is, since Joel and the Bots inexplicably don’t come in until about a minute into the movie and miss the opening titles. This is not only not fair to the film, but it’s a joke the audience doesn’t share, since we know what the name of the movie is, and we know that the Brains know as well and are just pretending not to. It’s a rare ‘what the heck were they thinking?’ moment that doesn’t kill the episode, but definitely brings it down.
Thoughts while watching:
Opening: Joel reads from “The Velvateen Rabbit.” Sort of. The ‘bots are enraptured. (by the way, Servo has a kind of fez top to his head which he’ll keep for a few episodes).
Invention Exchange: Joel has the mind-control guitar. The Mads have squeeze-toy guitars for dogs who love rock-and-roll. They play their new song; ‘Plastic Man.’ It’s pretty amusing.
Okay, honestly, they cheat here, and pointlessly too. Joel and the bots don’t enter until after the credits, leading to a running gag of wondering what the movie’s name is. This results in about a minute of us watching the movie without them and us not being able to share in the joke, since we, of course, know what the movie’s title is.
Anyway, we open with a storm and a ship being attacked by a giant lobsters.
Joel: “Oh, he’s making them into an oriental salad! The horror!”
Cut to two months later, as the narrator helpfully informs us.
Old woman consults a mystic, who tells her her son is not dead.
(as doubtful guy)
Crow: “He’s dead, live with it, okay?”
Cut to a dance contest…
(blank faced-guy watches contest)
Servo: “I’m digging their scene.”
(on the numbered contestants)
Crow: “Keep moving, forty-one.”
Guy and his friends go look for a boat so he can search for his lost brother.
They trespass on a boat to check it out.
Guy 1: “I wonder what the owner looks like?”
Thief: “I’ll show you what he looks like!”
Servo: “He looks like me, only taller. I’ll go get him.”
Guy 2: “This one here, he’s crazy. Boats are the only thing he thinks about.”
Crow: “Shoot him, now.”
Thief-guy lets them stay on the boat.
(shot of sunrise)
Crow: “Let’s visit God now.
Servo: “Hi, this is God. This film is moving slowly my children.”
And the one guy has taken the boat out to look for his brother.
Thief: “What’s the idea?”
Servo: “Well, the wind catches the sail and…”
We get news about the stolen boat and an earlier robbery (it was done by thief guy of course).
(cut to dinner scene)
Crow: “Mmm, Steve is really delicious!”
Thief (on the skeleton key he’s making): “You’ve got your hobbies and this is one of mine.”
Servo: “You like knitting afghans.”
Thief (laughing): “Do I look like a robber?”
(Servo gives a French ‘oh hohoho!’)
And a storm blows up. (incidentally, this is the same footage from the beginning; spliced in by the American distrubuters).
Joel: “Well, welcome to the “Wrath of God” weekend present by KT.”
The briefcase of money and a game-board fall over and spill into each other.
Joel: “Hey, you got your backgammon in my money!”
Crow: “Well you’ve got your money in my backgammon.”
Joel: “Try to look for an uncharted desert isle!”
(and in the morning they wash up on an island)
Crow: “For once this was a boating accident.”
Joel: “We’re so lucky we washed up on what could be a hostile land with no food, we’re saved!”
The bots panic at the prospect of rock climbing, but it’s a very quick scene.
(at the top)
Servo: “Look, Cesar Romero and Hugh Beaumont?”
And they find a machete and some fruit.
Guy: “I feel like a monkey.”
Crow: “Me too, where can we find one?”
Crow (as they walk through the jungle to music): “We gotta find that rhythm combo.”
And they spot a ship coming and then find a whole harbor and facility guarded by armed men.
(two guards pass each other)
Servo: “Morning Steve,”
Crow: “Morning Phil.”
(eye-patched guy comes in smiling)
Crow: “Smiles everyone, smiles!”
And the ship drops off some slaves.
Servo (upon seeing Kumi Mizuno): “H, E, double-L, O!”
(pretty much standard reaction)
Few slaves try to escape...grab a convenient canoe.
(guards fire wildly while close together)
Crow (as eye-patch guy): “Ah! Not me you idiots!”
Servo: “Good shooting, you killed eight of our own men.”
And would-be escapees get eaten by giant lobster, Ebirah.
Crow (seeing guys impaled on Ebirah’s claw): “Ka-Bob, and Ka-Steve!”
Joel: “I just saw half-a-crab kill a guy.”
Big bad (to eye-patch): “You must be losing your sight!”
Servo: “I don’t think that’s funny sir, but go on.”
Joel: “Salute higher, idiot!”
Girl meets guys, runs off.
Crow: “Wait! I’m a good-guy with a steady future! I want you to see my etchings!”
They join forces.
First Host Segment: Godzilla Genealogy Bop. It’s amusing, even if they insist Godzilla is green, which he is not (he’s dark grey).
Cut to the slaves working and praying to Mothra.
(eye-patch gets their attention by shooting)
Crow: “Oh, couldn’t he just knock?”
Guy: “Don’t make fun of her.”
Crow: “Yeah, that’s our job!”
Cut to Infant Island, where the natives are worshiping Mothra.
Servo: “Rocketing its way to number one, it’s ‘Mothra, you are our god,’ it’s got a great beat and you can worship to it.”
Thief: “I don’t think you’ve ever had the police after you.”
Servo: “Okay, you’ve got bragging rights.”
And they find that Godzilla is sleeping in the cave with them.
That’s the third time Crow did that ‘Planet where apes evolved from men’ bit.
The guys try to sneak into the base using the bush trick to investigate and try to help free the slaves.
(they release a dove as distraction)
Servo: “Oh, a symbol of peace. Kill it!”
Servo: “He’s got a hedge trimmer! Scatter everybody!”
Get in, sneak around…
Crow: “Why are they breaking in?”
Servo: “Life hurts them, so they hurt back.”
Big bad berates scientists.
Scientist: “It’s easy for them to issue orders.”
Crow: “They have everything, I have nothing!”
A lot of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ jokes for some reason…
Guy: “It’s a heavy water factory.”
Guy 2: “What can they do with that?”
Crow: “They could take a heavy bath.”
(suddenly crawl around corner to find a boot).
Servo: “Oh, my God! It’s a boot! And there’s a leg attached to it!”
Eye-Patch: “You weren’t killed I see.”
Servo: “That was my fault.”
Crow: “Pass the bush up, quick!”
They make their escape using some gas canisters.
Joel: “Meanwhile in Lego-Land, kids learn at their own rate, the slow way.”
Brother-guy gets caught on a weather-balloon and floats off towards Infant Island. Another guy just gets captured.
Captured guy makes contact with slaves, who are making a liquid the bad guys use to protect themselves against Ebirah…another scene of worshiping Mothra.
Crow (as Mothra): “That’s pretty good, but do it again, and this time with feeling. And Kasy, I’ll see you later.”
Brother guy lands on Infant Island, meets his brother.
Guards search for them, randomly shooting around.
Crow: “Well, I guess it’s frogs legs and cricket soup for dinner tonight.”
Guys get idea to wake Godzilla up to distract/destroy bad guys.
They improvise a lightning rod to wake Godzilla up.
(pan down the wire)
Crow: “This is the only thread I’ve been able to follow this whole film.”
Captured guy gets the idea to make a phony batch of liquid.
Second Host Segment: Joel’s miniature city. The bots are concerned for his sanity and destroy it. It’s pretty funny. (“I’m Servotron, destroyer of worlds!”)
Brothers canoe from Infant Island back to evil isle.
(on storm clouds)
Crow (deep voice): “I’m not pleased!”
Servo (on the soldiers): “Okay, look for the silver lining, men!”
Crow (same): “I’m still not pleased!”
Crow (same): “Now I’m really ticked!”
Huh, actually I don’t think this scene looks fakey at all.
(as Godzilla starts waking up)
Servo: “Make sure he doesn’t hit the snooze button!”
(Godzilla’s eye opens)
Joel: “This had better be good.”
Brothers are threatened by Ebirah…
Godzilla bursts out of cave…
Crow: “Good morning Godzilla. Your mission, should choose to accept it, save those two Japanese guys.”
Joel (Godzilla sees Ebirah): “You woke me up for THAT?”
Servo (as Ebirah): “Oh, I’ll give you such a pinch!”
Really funny scene where Godzilla and Eibrah batter a boulder back and forth like their playing catch.
Crow: “Run before they make us play outfield!”
And they volley it back and forth a bit…goes too far and hits the base.
Ebirah splashes Godzilla.
Joel: “Oh, now that was low!”
Servo: “Look at Godzilla go! I guess there’s no sea-food lover in him!”
Pretty cool scene where Godzilla gets dragged underwater and they fight.
Crow (as Llloyd Bridges): “I grabbed a rock; and by this time my lungs were aching for air.”
(bushes start shaking)
Crow: “Hey that bush trick doesn’t work around here pal, we invented it!”
(brothers are caught in snares)
Crow: “Oh, how hideous; hung by their feet till their dead!”
Eye-Patch (whipping slaves): “You can work faster! And you there!”
Crow: “…Nice job.”
(soldiers fire wildly)
Servo: “Ow, ow, you shot my other eye you idiots!”
(soldiers chasing girl get scared off by Godzilla)
Joel: “Don’t even mess with my chick!”
Joel (as Godzilla): “Hey were are you going? You owe me babe!”
Girl: “Help me!”
Crow: “Dibs! I got dibs, I said it first!”
Guys arrive and see Godzilla.
Servo: “Woah! Baby you are on your own!”
Joel: “Be careful, we look like corn-cobs to him!”
Giant bird suddenly appears and attacks Godzilla.
Crow: “Hey, what do you think I am, Tippi Hedron? Get out of here!”
And Godzilla blasts it.
Joel: “Oh, now he’s a wonder-roast chicken.”
(bird crashes into the ocean)
Joel: “Thank you for flying Northwest.”
And now jets attack him.
(he smashes a plane)
Servo: “Oh, there goes Tom Cruise.”
(alarm sounds)
All: “It’s not going well. It’s not going well. It’s not going well.”
(Big Bad and Eye-patch look out window)
Crow: “Do you see half of what I see?”
Eye-Patch: “Turn the atomic power on! Destroy him!”
Joel: “Uh, whatever you say, sir, but we’re right at ground-zero…”
Guy: “Where’s my brother?”
Crow: “Oh, will you shut up about your brother!?”
(Godzilla throws a rock at the base)
Servo: “Oh no, he’s learned to use tools! Careful people he’s evolving!”
Cave starts collapsing on slaves under Godzilla’s weight.
Eye-Patch: “Put it on nuclear, it will destroy the base!”
Crow: “Oh, great, what was it on before, defrost?”
Crow: “Ah, here comes the death with dignity committee.”
Scientist: “Stay were you are!”
Servo: “Or I’m going to fill a prescription!”
Third host segment: Crow and Servo play as the Shobijin, then Mothra shows up. It’s pretty funny, even though they voice her as a guy.
Guy: “They’re escaping!”
(Godzilla roars off camera)
Crow: “And they sound funny too.”
And Ebirah smashes the boat with the bad guys on it.
Godzilla and Ebirah fight again, with some amusing trash talking from Crow and Servo.
Joel: “Whenever their underwater it sounds like a James Bond movie.”
So, there’s only ten minutes before the island self-destructs.
And Mothra wakes up.
Crow: “I just talked to Ziegfeld; we open in New Haven in two weeks!”
(as Mothra flies off)
Joel: “Oh I am a jumbo Bumblebee!”
And Godzilla rips Ebirah’s claws off.
Servo (as Ebirah): “Oh, leave me one!”
(he doesn’t)
(Mothra hovers straight down)
Servo: “He’s a harrier-moth”
Shobijin (from on top of Mothra): “She’ll take you; you must get into the net!”
Servo/Crow: “How did we get up here anyway?”
Joel (as Godzilla): “Oh, I’m getting beaten up by a bug, how humiliating!”
And the humans call to Godzilla to get off the island.
Joel: “Let’s see, there’s some beeping and everybody left, I wonder what…oh no!”
And there’s the shot they used for their stinger last week in its proper place.
(as the island blows up)
Servo: “Irwin Allen slept here.”
Really good animated distance shot of Mothra, and we’re done.
Closing: Lines never really said in movies, like “Play it again Sam.” The results of the ‘Cool Thing Contest’ from ‘Lost Continent.’ Some nice pictures. The Mads consider changing their business plan. It’s pretty amusing.
Stinger: Worshiping Mothra. Meh, I would have gone with the giant bird attack.
Movie Quality Rating:
1. Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
2. The Crawling Eye
3. The Black Scorpion
4. Mad Monster
5. Lost Continent
6. First Spaceship to Venus
7. Rocketship XM
8. Moon Zero Two
9. Godzilla vs. Megalon
10. The Crawling Hand
11. Catalina Caper
12. King Dinosaur
13. Jungle Goddess
14. Wild Rebels
15. The Corpse Vanishes
16. Ring of Terror
17. Untamed Youth
18. The Slime People
19. Project Moonbase
20. The Sidehackers
21. Women of the Prehistoric Planet
22. Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy
23. Hellcats
24. Rocket Attack USA
25. Robot Holocaust
26. Robot Monster
Conclusion: Good movie, with pretty funny riffing and decent host segments, but marred by cheating.
Final Rating: 7/10.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Hilarious
Just found this article and had to share it:
washingtonpost.com > Columns
A modest proposal
By Al Horne
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
With Congress tied up over health reform -- legislation whose initial, much-discussed goal was to extend health insurance to as many as 47 million uninsured Americans -- this may be as good a time as any to propose another, less divisive reform.
The FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms estimated in 2008 that more than 250 million guns were owned by U.S. citizens. Since President Obama's election last November, newspapers and electronic media have reported a sharp increase in U.S. gun sales, spurred by rumors that the new administration had secret plans to block gun sales to law-abiding Americans. Normally, about 4.5 million guns are sold in the United States each year, so this surge in sales means that Americans own roughly 260 million guns, in a population of nearly 309 million.
Surveys indicate that gun ownership is not spread evenly across U.S. households. In fact, chances are that a substantial proportion of U.S. gun owners have more than one weapon, so it's quite possible that fewer than 200 million Americans own those 260 million guns. That means there may be more than 100 million citizens left unprotected against their gun-owning fellow citizens.
Surely everyone can agree that this is an outrage. Moreover, it is an outrage that Congress can easily fix, without months of committee meetings, town halls or tea parties. All that is required is a bipartisan, pro-constitutional bill to extend the Second Amendment's protection of gun ownership to all Americans, whether they like it or not.
Under such legislation -- let's call it the Gun Insurance Act of 2009 -- every American would be required to buy some kind of gun. Those who cannot afford even the simplest weapon -- say, those whose 2009 annual income is less than twice the federal poverty level -- could be issued $500 vouchers that would be valid only at gun shops or gun shows, and would have to be used before the 2010 Census. (Just think: What a stimulus to private enterprise all these gun sales would provide, and how many new gun-selling jobs would be created!)
How would the law be enforced? Census takers could verify that everyone they count has a weapon in working condition, and those census takers who survive could report all non-complying Americans to the FBI so it could notify local police departments, which would issue citations for whatever fines Congress chooses to impose. (Note that this proposed legislation would not require creating any new bureaucracy, public option or death panels.) Of course, illegal immigrants would not receive vouchers, would not be required to buy guns and would not be counted in the Census.
So there it is: a modest proposal even Max Baucus and Chuck Grassley can agree on. If we're willing to require people to buy health insurance, why not require them to buy guns? Sure, maybe the Congressional Budget Office could overestimate its cost, and some wimpy liberals could file a court challenge, but the Supreme Court would slap it down on a clear 5-to-4 vote. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, here's one issue where you can count on at least a couple of Republican votes.
washingtonpost.com > Columns
A modest proposal
By Al Horne
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
With Congress tied up over health reform -- legislation whose initial, much-discussed goal was to extend health insurance to as many as 47 million uninsured Americans -- this may be as good a time as any to propose another, less divisive reform.
The FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms estimated in 2008 that more than 250 million guns were owned by U.S. citizens. Since President Obama's election last November, newspapers and electronic media have reported a sharp increase in U.S. gun sales, spurred by rumors that the new administration had secret plans to block gun sales to law-abiding Americans. Normally, about 4.5 million guns are sold in the United States each year, so this surge in sales means that Americans own roughly 260 million guns, in a population of nearly 309 million.
Surveys indicate that gun ownership is not spread evenly across U.S. households. In fact, chances are that a substantial proportion of U.S. gun owners have more than one weapon, so it's quite possible that fewer than 200 million Americans own those 260 million guns. That means there may be more than 100 million citizens left unprotected against their gun-owning fellow citizens.
Surely everyone can agree that this is an outrage. Moreover, it is an outrage that Congress can easily fix, without months of committee meetings, town halls or tea parties. All that is required is a bipartisan, pro-constitutional bill to extend the Second Amendment's protection of gun ownership to all Americans, whether they like it or not.
Under such legislation -- let's call it the Gun Insurance Act of 2009 -- every American would be required to buy some kind of gun. Those who cannot afford even the simplest weapon -- say, those whose 2009 annual income is less than twice the federal poverty level -- could be issued $500 vouchers that would be valid only at gun shops or gun shows, and would have to be used before the 2010 Census. (Just think: What a stimulus to private enterprise all these gun sales would provide, and how many new gun-selling jobs would be created!)
How would the law be enforced? Census takers could verify that everyone they count has a weapon in working condition, and those census takers who survive could report all non-complying Americans to the FBI so it could notify local police departments, which would issue citations for whatever fines Congress chooses to impose. (Note that this proposed legislation would not require creating any new bureaucracy, public option or death panels.) Of course, illegal immigrants would not receive vouchers, would not be required to buy guns and would not be counted in the Census.
So there it is: a modest proposal even Max Baucus and Chuck Grassley can agree on. If we're willing to require people to buy health insurance, why not require them to buy guns? Sure, maybe the Congressional Budget Office could overestimate its cost, and some wimpy liberals could file a court challenge, but the Supreme Court would slap it down on a clear 5-to-4 vote. Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid, here's one issue where you can count on at least a couple of Republican votes.
Dr. Strangelove or Why We Should Stop Worrying and Let God Handle Things
Another school paper article.
Once for an Honors final I was asked if I thought the American Governmental system was doomed to go the same way as the Roman one. I said that, while the American system is fundamentally stronger, ‘humans always find a way to screw things up.’
That, in a nutshell, is the thesis of Stanley Kubrick’s classic satire, Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. One of the greatest of comedies, it has for its subject matter the distinctly unfunny subject of nuclear holocaust. The film tells of an insane air-force commander who manages to launch an all-out attack on the Soviet Union and the scrambling of the U.S. Government to stop him. The funny part is that the skill and professionalism of the pilots and the safeguards against a nuclear disaster are the exact things that make it so difficult to recall the bombers heading to Russia…where a new Russian ‘Doomsday Machine’ is all set to go off and end life on Earth if they drop their bombs.
The thing that sets this film apart from almost every other military/political satire ever made is that it is largely populated with intelligent, professional individuals…and it is because they are so intelligent and professional that they are in the mess they’re in. For example, when the President finds out they have no hope of figuring out the recall code to abort the mission he takes the logical step of helping the Soviets shoot the planes down. This works fine…except one of the planes is only damaged. The leaves it without a radio and forces it to divert from the expected targets where the Soviets have concentrated their defenses. Thus ensuring it will drop its payload.
This whole ridiculous situation calls to mind a passage in ‘The Screwtape Letters’ where Screwtape laughs at men’s tendency to try to plan for every contingency and panic when these fail. It’s the same situation; the world has set up all these elaborate safeguards to prevent ‘the worst coming to the worst,’ but, of course, it’s impossible to foresee every contingency, and it just takes a “small slip-up” to allow the worst to come to the worst.
How many times do we try to control our lives like this? We try to foresee and prepare for every possible contingency, trusting our own cleverness to see us through. The only trouble is, no matter how clever we are, we can’t foresee everything…or even most things. All it takes is someone responding in an unexpected way, or not paying attention, or going insane over the fluoride in his water to render all our elaborate planning moot. Then, most of the time, we try to recover by making even more elaborate plans, which tend to create an entirely new problem.
But that is not the end of the story. Dr. Strangelove ends with mankind’s elaborate safety measures resulting in the apocalypse, but even then the film seems confident that man will weasel his way out of this mess and into another one. Despite ending in a nuclear holocaust the film is not gloomy about our future and neither should we be. Generally things are not the end of the world, and even if they are, we usually can muddle through. We simply need to take things as they come and trust in God…and the purity of our bodily fluids.
Once for an Honors final I was asked if I thought the American Governmental system was doomed to go the same way as the Roman one. I said that, while the American system is fundamentally stronger, ‘humans always find a way to screw things up.’
That, in a nutshell, is the thesis of Stanley Kubrick’s classic satire, Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. One of the greatest of comedies, it has for its subject matter the distinctly unfunny subject of nuclear holocaust. The film tells of an insane air-force commander who manages to launch an all-out attack on the Soviet Union and the scrambling of the U.S. Government to stop him. The funny part is that the skill and professionalism of the pilots and the safeguards against a nuclear disaster are the exact things that make it so difficult to recall the bombers heading to Russia…where a new Russian ‘Doomsday Machine’ is all set to go off and end life on Earth if they drop their bombs.
The thing that sets this film apart from almost every other military/political satire ever made is that it is largely populated with intelligent, professional individuals…and it is because they are so intelligent and professional that they are in the mess they’re in. For example, when the President finds out they have no hope of figuring out the recall code to abort the mission he takes the logical step of helping the Soviets shoot the planes down. This works fine…except one of the planes is only damaged. The leaves it without a radio and forces it to divert from the expected targets where the Soviets have concentrated their defenses. Thus ensuring it will drop its payload.
This whole ridiculous situation calls to mind a passage in ‘The Screwtape Letters’ where Screwtape laughs at men’s tendency to try to plan for every contingency and panic when these fail. It’s the same situation; the world has set up all these elaborate safeguards to prevent ‘the worst coming to the worst,’ but, of course, it’s impossible to foresee every contingency, and it just takes a “small slip-up” to allow the worst to come to the worst.
How many times do we try to control our lives like this? We try to foresee and prepare for every possible contingency, trusting our own cleverness to see us through. The only trouble is, no matter how clever we are, we can’t foresee everything…or even most things. All it takes is someone responding in an unexpected way, or not paying attention, or going insane over the fluoride in his water to render all our elaborate planning moot. Then, most of the time, we try to recover by making even more elaborate plans, which tend to create an entirely new problem.
But that is not the end of the story. Dr. Strangelove ends with mankind’s elaborate safety measures resulting in the apocalypse, but even then the film seems confident that man will weasel his way out of this mess and into another one. Despite ending in a nuclear holocaust the film is not gloomy about our future and neither should we be. Generally things are not the end of the world, and even if they are, we usually can muddle through. We simply need to take things as they come and trust in God…and the purity of our bodily fluids.
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